Fallin'
by smashintoyou
Summary: Quinn, Rachel, and few other glee-clubbers, are off to New York for college. Quinn deals with living with Rachel, who she secretly loves, and who is still in her high school relationship. Eventually Rachel starts to question her own feelings.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I am not sure if this is needed but I clearly do not own Glee.**

**Rating: M**

**A/N- This is my first time writing fan fiction of any kind so please be gentle ;) It's pretty amateurish. **

**Summary: This story will follow the girls after high school. They are moving into an apartment in NYC where they both will be attending NYU. When the story starts we are in the summer after high school. I will write each chapter in the first person alternating between Quinn and Rachel's POV. I warn you that Rachel will be dating Finn at the start of this story, although he won't be in NY with her, so don't worry about too much Finchel in this story. I promise it's a plot point. I just like the idea of the story of Rachel being with someone, especially a boyfriend, while dealing with these new feelings. I think it's all part of growing up and rediscovering yourself. I'll be honest, I relate to this story quite a bit. **

August 2012

Quinn's POV

Lie to yourself.

I wish. This phrase never really made sense to me. Lying to others was simpler. I am so used to lying to people and hiding my feelings. Of course I have done this for years. I did it to Finn sophomore year. It was my nature at this point. It kept me protected. This lie is different though. It only hurts me.

I could never hide my feelings from myself. That is the problem. I knew. For as long as I can remember, I knew. I thought the end of high school would mean I would not have to do this anymore. I could leave home. I would leave Lima. I would be away from her. Maybe I didn't have to feel the misery of loving someone from afar. So, why exactly did I agree to this?

Before I joined Glee club, I would hide my feelings by completely overcompensating. I would treat her terribly. I would embarrass and harass her. I'd call her ridiculous names that I never meant and that implied that her beauty was completely lost on me. Glee, and everything I went through sophomore year, changed everything. Seeing her everyday and seeing her in her element- there was no one like her. There just isn't. My feelings intensified.

This is an understatement and I know it. As a result, I became better at the lies because I had to

It was not easy to treat her poorly anymore. I tried to keep away from her, but she was in my world. Really, I was in her world. Eventually, we became friends. We weren't the type of friends that shared everything. I never spent the night at her place alone. We never stayed up all night talking, sharing, and bonding. We did enjoy each other though. I couldn't help but smile at her. I tried to avoid eye contact with her at times because I couldn't even fight the inevitable smile that would spread across my face. Her presence tended to do that to me. It kept me fighting with myself for control. I had to keep my emotions at bay. As the years went on, this became next to impossible. As we became closer, I knew I had to get some distance, because I started to feel almost drunk in her presence.

I gave my turquoise suitcase a final push in a last-ditch effort to close it with just a little too much clothes in it. I needed to fit everything, because I didn't plan on coming home too often. I figure she is doing just about the same thing right now. The thought of her fills me with the same feeling it always has. I know this is a terrible idea. It is a mistake, but I could not say no. I had no chance.

_End of Year Party, Puck's house, Two months earlier. _

_I looked in the mirror a few times before walking out of the bathroom, as if this mattered. I knew she would not look. I practically ensured that she would not notice.. No matter how close Glee became I still kept some sort of distance from her. Even if she knew, it wouldn't have mattered We would talk mostly during group hang outs, text every once in a while, and exchange smiles. I wanted it this way. Actually I just needed it this way. Despite this, both us of became very close to both Mercedes and Kurt over the years. This predicament meant a lot of time around each other away from glee over the last two years. _

_Mercedes made her way over to me. "Hey girl! Where have you been hiding?"_

"_I'm not hiding. Just had to pee. What are people doing?"_

"_Getting drunk in various ways. A few of the boys have decided to play some sort of video game that involves killing each other in a ridiculously bloody fashion," Kurt said as he joined us. "I'll never see the draw in that, even after all these years of living with Finn."_

_I looked over at the kitchen where Santana and Brittany were playing Puck and Tina, of all people, at beer pong. They were all having a blast and Santana and Puck were exchanging words and talking trash like every other party. I turned towards the living room, knowing exactly who I was looking for. She was standing behind the couch, behind Finn who was playing games with Mike and Artie. She watched this game with a bit of horror on her face because of all the violence that was happening on the screen, yet she ran her hand on the top of Finn's head, playing with his hair, as if she didn't even notice she was doing it. Like it was the most natural thing._

_I was used to this by now. I should have been, at least. They had been together, on and off, for the last two years. This did not make me long for her any less. I knew I was looking for a little too long. I hoped the longing I felt did not show on my face._

_Kurt followed my gaze. "I know, right? How could they enjoy an activity that is so juvenile" I nod at this._

"_Everything okay, Quinn?" Mercedes asked. I knew she would notice the look on my face. She always did, but never got the truth out of me. I worked the hardest to keep my truth from Mercedes. I always thought she would begin to notice, just because we were together so much. She always noticed my mood changed. She would notice when I would sit. Think. I am just not ready for that yet. Sometimes I wonder if anyone has noticed the looks I give her._

"_Hey, let's drink! This is our last party as high school students" I say with excitement, trying to change the subject. I know this is out of character, but I just want to have fun tonight. Mercedes smiles but only her mouth moves. Her eyes are studying me with worry. _

"_Look who is finally ready to let loose again," Santana said from the kitchen. She was always trying to get me to turn into the girl I was before I had Beth. I would babysit my drinks at parties and dated no one for the last two years. She asked me, every chance she got what the hell was going on with me. If I let Santana too close, she would see it. She would see right through me. _

"_Hell yeah! Let's do some shots." Puck backed away from the beer pong table and looked into the living room. "Rachel, get in here. We can't have you watching them play Gears of War all night. I want all the girls trashed at this party."_

_Rachel smiled at this and rolled her eyes as she walked towards us. I hate that I involuntarily smile because she is coming closer. I see that Finn does not watch her walk away. _

"_That's charming, Noah. I understand that our inevitably lowered inhibitions increase the likelihood that a girl at this party will 1) either make out with you or possibly more; or 2) make out with another girl at this party. I don't think you should get your hopes up. Regardless, I do agree with Quinn, and think that the end of the high school and the end of Glee, both mean we should enjoy ourselves without worrying about the consequences or potential damage to our reputations"_

"_I wouldn't worry so much about my reputation if I were you." Santana says mockingly. Rachel responds with a smile at this point. She has come to enjoy the jokes, even at her expense. She knows she's loved by the entire club. Even Santana. We are all used to Rachel's long-winded responses. _

_Puck is already pouring shots. "Can we drink already, please?" He's drunk already. _

_A few hours later, almost everyone is either drunk or buzzed. I am somewhere in between. The boys in the living room periodically came in to join us for a round. Rachel keeps wanting to toast something for every drink. I can tell she is more than a little drunk because she keeps climbing on the couch to get our attention for every toast. Even when the toast is something as silly as "To Ms. Barbra Streisand." Mostly, we ignore her suggestions and toast to memories. _

_I am still aware of my actions but the alcohol hit me faster than I expected. I don't know why I expected anything less, since I haven't drank heavily since I was 16. _

_Kurt, Brittany, and Tina start doing the "Single Ladies" dance. We are all laughing and cheering because it has been years since they've done it. Puck jumps up claiming to remember the dance. He stumbles immediately as he walks over only to bump into Tina as he does the dance in the complete opposite direction from the other three. _

"_How impressive, Puck." Santana rolls her eyes. _

"_Um, Noah, this is a song meant for only three dancers! I doubt you have forgotten the video and all the various recreations. Maybe you should just sit and watch," says Rachel as she attempts to pull a stumbling Puck away, and instead stumbles herself. I catch her before she falls down. My arms are around her waist and her head basically falls into my chest. Rachel immediately straightens up, but doesn't move away. Our bodies are inches apart. I never usually let us get this close. I know how much my body responds to her. My heart is pounding so fast, I am afraid everyone in the room can hear it. _

_I know my face is bright red. I can feel it. I just hope it was already red from the alcohol. She finally smiles brightly and backs away from me. "Thank you," she says with so much excitement, you would have thought I saved her from impending death. She skips along to the kitchen, in the most adorable way possible. _

"_Wow. We have everyone falling all over the damn place," Mercedes says with a laugh. _

_Finally, I take the time to look around. I realize not everyone is even paying attention. Mostly they are dancing or still paying attention to the Single Ladies dance. I lock eyes with Santana. Her look gives me no indication at all of what she is thinking. _

"_Puck, why don't you grad me a beer and stop knocking the girls around" Finn shouts from the other room. Suddenly Santana's attention leaves me. Puck gives him a thumbs up and is off to the kitchen again.. _

_The song ends and we all make our way back to the beer pong table and continue dancing . Mercedes has her IPod on the whole time. She pretty much always does this at parties. She claims to be protecting us from Rachel's IPod and an endless amount of show tunes. She does have a point. _

_Finn walks in and grabs a beer. It seems Puck only got about halfway through his favor to Finn.. Finn sees Rachel skipping around and dancing on the side with Mercedes, Tina, and Brittany. He smiles to himself. This is a smile I know well. He loves her. _

"_Having fun, Rach?"_

_She beams and walks over and gives him a hug. I look away and focus on Puck and Santana arguing over who was more wanted in high school or something. I don't really care. I just want to focus on something else for once.  
_

_Later the drinking has slowed down. Mostly because, Puck's mother's liquor cabinet is emptied out. There are about two beers left. Brittany comes over. _

"_Quinn, get a beer pong partner. You're playing against me and Santana"_

"_Umm, okay. Who wants to play?" I ask looking around. _

_I see Kurt pouring the remaining droplets of Malibu into a cup filled with some sort of fruit juice. _

"_Don't look at me," he says. "I do not drink that stuff. It goes straight to the stomach. I must have my body looking fantastic for New York."_

_Before I know it, someone grabs my hand. "I'll be your partner, but can I talk to you first?" It's Rachel. My heart is fluttering at the sudden and unexpected contact. I feel worry because I really have no idea what she would have to talk to me about. Without waiting for an answer, she is leading me to the stairs. She let's go of my hand and starts walking up the stairs. "I'm sure we can find a bit of privacy in one of the bedrooms." Her saying this, while walking up the stairs in front of me, while I am tipsy, is doing naughty things to my mind. I am watching her legs and butt in that sinfully short skirt. I am biting my lip, because I am thinking of the things I want to do with her in that bedroom. These thoughts are taking over my mind more and more. I get that familiar feeling at the bottom of my stomach. I get that same tingle between my legs that so persistent when she is close to me. I have to push these thoughts away. _

_We reach Puck's bedroom and she sits down. She pats the spot next to her so I sit down._

"_Rachel, is something…wrong?"_

"_No, no. I realize that it's odd that I would take you away in the middle of a party. I just have wanted to talk to you about this for awhile and haven't had the nerve. Now I am running out of time, so I figured I should just ask."_

_My heart is racing because I know what I would say after a statement like that. And how the heck does she seem sober already. "Okay. Rachel, just let it out."_

"_I heard that you are going to NYU in the fall. I will be attending Tisch School of the Arts at NYU in the fall. I know that Kurt and Mercedes are attending school in New York as well and I assume you are considering living with them. After extensive research, I found an apartment building that has two apartment's available. They are reasonably priced by New York standards. This allows us to all be with each other." She looks at me for a few minutes. She said those sentences so incredibly fast that I am just trying to follow her train of thought. I don't say anything after this. I just wait for her to continue. She does. _

" _It hasn't been easy for me to make friends. It never has been. I know I do not have the easiest personality to deal with. I would just feel better if I had some familiar people around me. Some friends." She speaks with a sadness in her voice. I wish she didn't feel this way anymore. _

_I knew Rachel was going to school in New York. I assumed she was planning on living in the dorms. I envisioned her meeting all the other theater majors and moving on from the rest of us. Bigger and better things, for a star in the making. I can't help but feel excitement and a lot of anxiety at the thought of seeing her all the time in college. _

"_Rachel, this all sounds good. You don't have to explain wanting to live close to us. Why are we talking about this alone then?"_

"_Well, as I mentioned, there are two apartments. I already told Kurt about this when I was at their house last week to see Finn. He said he knew Mercedes would be excited but thought I should ask you. One apartment has two small bedrooms. I figured Mercedes and Kurt might want separate bedrooms since they are of different genders.. The other apartment has one bedroom. I thought maybe we could live together. Before you answer, I just figure we would share bedrooms with people if we dormed anyway. And, I promise I would respect your privacy and I would be a great roommate. Furthermore, if you get sick of me you could always go across the hall to their apartment."_

_I chuckle at her nervousness at first. Then I am quiet. I have to think. It's not easy for me to think in her presence. I suddenly realize my heart is pounding. I know this is not a good idea. I know that my feelings for her would make sharing a bedroom incredibly difficult for me. I am also aware that I have been staring at her lips for most of this conversation. At this thought, I look down at my hands. I can smell her from this distance and her knee is slightly touching mine. I am intoxicated by her. I just want to touch her so badly. I am dying to feel her skin. I want to run my fingers up her legs. This should all signal to me that this is a bad, bad idea. I look up and see that she looks a little defeated. _

_Before I can stop myself, I am nodding. "Let's do it" _

August 2012

I am finished packing up my life for New York. I look at my room that will be waiting for me during school breaks. This is a place where I have kept a lot of secrets. I wonder if I have the strength to be who I am in New York. Is this possible, with three members of the Glee club still being in my life. My thoughts are interrupted by my phone vibrating on my bed.

**Ready? ** -Rachel

I am excited by the new life that awaits me in New York. I am uneasy about the living arrangements, but can't help but feel thrilled to see her, to hear her, and to continue to get to know her.

**I think I am. **

Please Read and Review. I want to know if people are interested in this story. Honestly, I can't believe I am even writing this. I have an insane schedule and not much time. I know I'm not some great writer but I think I have a pretty good story to tell.


	2. Chapter 2

**Rating: M (just because I don't want any restrictions)**

**A/N- I appreciate anyone who took the time to read this. I loved reading the reviews. They really got me pumped up. I saw that many people decided to follow the story. I was really overwhelmed by the response from all of you. I can't thank you enough. I understand anyone who worries about the amount of updates. I am a law student so this is a rightful concern, but the more you enjoy it, the more I'll make sure I update. I hope you enjoy the second part of this. **

**Summary: The girls are headed to NYC to live together for college. Quinn loves Rachel. Rachel is still with Finn. This chapter is a bit of a filler to get us to the main story, of our ladies in NY. I just wanted to get into Rachel's head a little so we can see the "before" of her falling for the beautiful Ms. Fabray. **

**Text messages are in bold! **

Rachel POV

I scanned my room one last time and felt so much excitement for the coming days. I couldn't believe I was really going to be living in New York. My dreams wouldn't lie in a bigger unreachable place any longer.

Instead, they would only be a few train stops away. Well, they were probably a few years away, as well, but I am much more patient than I used to be. I still wanted things entirely too badly, but I suppose getting the boy I wanted, making friends, and winning competitions in glee all really helped ease this particular personality trait.

Truth be told, I wasn't only excited about the prospect of studying musical theater and living in such proximity to my dreams. I was also excited about my living arrangements. For some reason, I felt some sort of thrill at the prospect of living so close to Mercedes and Kurt and especially about living with Quinn and I'm not completely sure how to explain it. Quinn fascinates me. I always enjoyed her company (okay, not always, but ever since she stopped making it her mission to torment me) and she had a way of chiming in with a funny remark whenever we hung out as a group. She also became surprisingly sweet. Still, she is such a mystery to me. She is incredibly beautiful and yet she does not seem to date. In fact, she did not really have a boyfriend since Finn. Well, I really do not know what was going on with her and Puck. We all assumed they were together when she lived with him but apparently this wasn't the case. After sophomore year, she wasn't seeing anyone that I know of. If she was, she was incredible at keeping secrets. I know it wasn't that people didn't want to date her. She was even a Cheerio again. Everyone wanted her, and she had to know that. Come to think of it, I don't even remember her expressing an attraction to anyone.

I'm completely intrigued by her. In a school where everyone seemed to know everything about each other, somehow, she seemed secretive. For some reason, I got the sense that she cared about me. Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel it. I can see it too every once in awhile, when she gives me one of those warm smiles. Considering how she treated me and how she once seemed to view me with such contempt, this abrupt change just adds to my intrigue.

My phone vibrated. I was pretty much always excited when I got a text. It still surprises me sometimes when people want to talk to me.

**Kurt: I can't wait to see you and Quinn tonight! **

**Rachel: I know I'm getting more and more nervous every minute. How does the place look? **

**Kurt: Nothing glamorous, but you'd never know it! Don't worry. I have taken many before and after shots. I might have taken liberties and have done a little bit of painting. Don't worry though! It all looks fabulous! **

I can barely hold in my laugh because I can picture him saying this to me with that typical arrogance about his superior tastes. Kurt and Mercedes moved to New York last week. I wasn't ready to leave yet and Quinn wanted to get another week of work before we left. She has been lifeguarding this summer. She was pretty much always there alone, so occasionally members of the glee club would come visit.

Burt Hummel drove Kurt and Mercedes to New York in a small U-Haul last weekend and was kind enough to take some things for me and Quinn. Because they were there, we were also able to do some online shopping and could ship right to the apartment. We already had beds, a couch, and kitchen supplies.

I wondered if Quinn was still packing. We have been texting back and forth quite a bit this summer, especially to talk about the apartment. It was nice, because I feel like we were getting closer already, which eased my worries considerably for our roommate situation. Although it was my idea, I did wonder how we'd get along. I picked my phone up once again to text Quinn.

**Rachel: So, Kurt painted our bedroom. **

Within a minute my phone vibrated again.

**Quinn: Mercedes told me. Funny how our apartment has quickly become their little project. **

I loved that she always answered my texts fairly quickly. I found it surprising, truthfully, because I imagined her with a busy social life. I imagined her constantly getting texts from Kurt, Mercedes, Santana, Brittany, and probably a ridiculous amount of jocks hoping for time alone with her, one of those being Puck.

**Rachel: That was the risk we took when we allowed them to get our keys. **

**Quinn: I'm a little relieved though. I remember how hard it was just to convince you to agree to a couch color. I was not looking forward to having that conversation again. **

**Rachel: Can you blame me for wanting a little more color? You chose off-white. That color says nothing about us and has absolutely no personality. **

**Quinn: I was nice enough to let you choose the pillows. Not everything in the apartment has to be as bright as your personality. **

I smiled at this. It was nice to receive an unexpected compliment albeit one where she is teasing me at the same time- Unless that wasn't a compliment. I decide that it is.

**Rachel: I assume that is a compliment, so thank you. **

**Quinn: It might have been. **

**Rachel: I'll let you know when we're on our way to get you. : )**

**Quinn: See you soon. **

I looked around my room trying to figure out if I had everything. I began to carefully choose which posters I would take off my wall to put on my side of the room in New York. Wicked? Was that too much of a tourist draw for a soon-to-be New Yorker? Funny Girl was a given, of course. Was there a Jewish girl anywhere without a perfectly healthy addiction to that musical? I had to have at least one Sondheim poster…

My own thoughts were interrupted by Finn.

"I thought you'd be leaving them behind," I heard from behind me. Finn was standing at the doorway with a smile on his face. I've known him too long and far too well not to notice the sadness in the way he said this. He's been looking this way a lot lately. He won't explain to me and I don't ask because we both know that I know the reason.

"It's not easy to." I say. I want to say it's not easy to leave him behind either but I hate bringing up that we'll be away from each other. I know he is all too aware of my impending departure.

"How are you feeling?" he asks looking at my packed bags.

"Eager and apprehensive at the same time." He nods. I really enjoy those moments when he gets me. I want to tell him that I am afraid for us. I want to tell him that I am optimistic that we can make it work. I've wanted to say it for weeks, but then I remember. I don't remember any one thing, but I just remember how much we've already gone through together. Would he panic if he knew that I wasn't sure? He represents so much of my life, of glee, of Lima. "How are you feeling about college? It's only a few days before you move to Columbus"

"I'm kind of freaking out." He sits on my bed and I stand in front of him, facing him. "I'm nervous about classes, about being…what's the word when no one knows you?"

"Anonymous. You won't be anonymous, though. Puck will be at Ohio State with you. So will Artie and Tina"

"I know." He shrugs. "Mostly Rach, I am going to miss you." He looks up at me and pulls me closer and kisses me.

"I'll miss you too," I finally say and I mean it.

When I got into NYU we talked about this day. He said he'd make the drive whenever he could. He said we'd text and talk on the phone. For as long as we're still in love, we can make it work. _As long as we're still in love_…am I losing my optimism?

He came over today to help me pack, because my fathers were taking me and Quinn to the airport and he couldn't fit. Mostly he just lied on my bed and played with his phone. He'd throw me a couple of smiles and pretended to listen when I'd talk about New York, or my apartment, or the classes at Tisch. I knew I was talking a lot but I couldn't help but be excited. Although he knows me well by now, he isn't exactly the most eager listener. I'm pretty sure this is true of all boyfriends, and it's especially true of all people who deal with me, I imagine. 

Eventually he headed downstairs to watch some baseball. Only one of my dads enjoys sports so he likes having Finn around for that reason. They knew he was a good guy who cared a great deal about me. Sometimes I'd see my dads share a amused look without saying a word. They thought I didn't know what it meant, but I did because it reflected my own thoughts. They made this look occasionally when Finn said something that exemplified his "simpler" way of thinking. In other words, they didn't think he was the brightest. 

Frankly, we didn't share a lot of the same interests outside of Glee. He couldn't get into the "girly" things I love (although he did crack up during Hairspray and admitted, "it was okay," after watching it), and I could care less about someone's batting average. These differences may get in the way of conversation sometimes but never really bothered me (much) because I didn't really care to have a relationship with someone with the exact same interests as me. I know perfectly well how that relationship with Jessie ended.

Now, Finn and I were lying in bed together. He's holding me and we're silent. I look around the room and see the space where my elliptical used to be. I know it's already waiting for me in New York. I see my packed bags on the side.

It might seem last minute and completely out of character for me to pack this late, but I had actually been packed for days. A week ago I went and bought new clothes to fit in better in New York, so I had to do a lot of re-packing. When Santana asked, in not the friendliest of tones, if I was planning on bringing my Penny Loafers to New York, I figured this wasn't a great idea. I quickly contacted Shelby to help me shop. Although we only stayed in contact occasionally, she was always enthusiastic to help me with things my dads weren't as good with. Motherhood had changed her considerably and all in positive ways. It was nice to have her in my life, even in such a limited capacity. This reminds me of Quinn. 

"I think it's time we go." I know I must put an end to our last moments eventually. He nods and gets up. I pick up my phone.

**Rachel: Ready? **

After long drawn out goodbyes with my fathers who hugged me so hard that I was thankful for my superior lung capacity, Quinn and I were now waiting at Gate B6 to board our flight. She was reading a book. I didn't see the cover, so I wasn't sure what it was but I was watching her read it. I noticed how her lips would curve if, I presume, something amusing happened in the story. She looked so incredibly concentrated that I could almost feel the story through her eyes. I almost wanted her to read the story out loud. I also watched as she ran her hand up and down her arms. She had goose bump on her arms. The air conditioning was unreasonably high in this airport. I should probably tell someone to lower it.

She lifted her head and we made eye contact at that time. I hoped it wasn't creepy to her that I was just watching her read. I'm just observant in that way. She smiles and my worries are eased. She closes the book.

"Sorry I was watching you. That was probably a little strange" I blush a little at this admission.

She smiles that smile that just seems so genuine to me, that I wonder where that affection behind it comes from. Does she just smile at everyone this way?

"So what were you watching?" She replies.

"I'm not sure actually. I just…" I'm blushing again for some reason. I really have no idea why. I guess I just don't want to expose her too quickly to my strangeness. Then again, she's known me for years and is probably very much aware. "… I was noticing how concentrated you are as you read."

"It might be eccentric but I'm so easily invested in everything I read, even if it's not a great book. If it is a great book, though, I fall in love for a few days at a time."

This answer immediately catches my attention. It seemed almost intimate coming from her.

I notice our plane had arrived, although there is still some time before we board. My heart starts pounding hard and my brows furrow. Quinn looks from my eyes to catch my line of vision.

"I'm a bit of a nervous flier." I confess.

"How nervous?"

"I might be in your lap by liftoff," I say, attempting to make light of my fears.

She laughs. It almost looks like she is blushing, but I'm probably wrong. "The seatbelt will probably stop you from doing that, but I will try to make you feel at ease. In the meantime, let's not talk about the flight."

"I like that idea."

We spend the next half hour talking about New York. She laughs (and couldn't seem to stop) as a pull out my Zagat guide, my subway map, and my map of the city, with gold star stickers in the places that have accommodate those with strict vegan diets.

"Wow Rachel. I can assume you won't get lost…well at least you won't get lost on your way to a vegan-friendly meal."

"I'm hoping to navigate through the city without the help of these guides, by the end of the first semester"

"Do we really need a Zagat guide? How about a little trial and error?"

"I'd prefer if we don't have to make any errors at all. It's just more efficient to enter each restaurant informed of its reputation." I say this completely seriously, because this is just the way I think. I know I'm a perfectionist, and I'm no longer embarrassed by it. My serious look is met by a look of pure amusement. I can't help but chuckle at myself, when noticing Quinn's delight.

"Don't be surprised to find those books missing one day. I think you can stand to lose a little bit of control once in awhile." She raises her eyebrow as she says this.

"You wouldn't!"

"Of course. I wouldn't dream of it." She teases. She has a mischievous look on her face. I know I have to keep those books in a safe place. She is having fun with this.

At this time, they begin to board the plane. Quinn and I silently carry our bags, and head inside the plane. I have an urge to hold her hand, because I think it will comfort me, but feel this is too intimate. Instead I just follow her to our seats. Without having to say anything, she takes my bag from me and lifts it into the bin. I smile appreciatively; she clearly noticed I'd struggle to reach. I'm somewhat amazed at someone doing me a favor without having to be asked or reminded (or even given a stern look that does all the reminding).

She has the window seat, and I am in the middle. I feel like I might need to grab her hand if I get nervous. I hope she doesn't lower the arm rest. I don't want to add to the physical distance between us. She doesn't.

I'm still silent because I can't seem to get my mind off of the flight. Why did we decide to fly? It's only a ten hour drive or so. She faces me and immediately I put my hand on hers. She looks at me, perhaps a little bit a taken aback, probably by the sudden contact, however she also looks quite sympathetic. I shift closer to her.

"I hope you don't mind this level of physical intimacy from me. I find the contact comforting. Last time I flew, I insisted that I sit between my dads and buried my head in my daddy's armpit for the first 20 minutes of the flight. I am extremely thankful for the short length of this particular flight. I am also comforted knowing that, once it is over, we will be landing in our new home city." I realize as I am saying this I can probably go on and on.

"Rachel, stop talking." She says without any malice in her voice. "Whatever you need."

I smile again thankfully. And I am thankful. I need her here. I already feel closer to her than I did, just a day before.

Once the plane starts heading towards the runway I hold her hand tighter. She turns her body towards me and runs her free hand through my hair. I don't think we've ever touched this much before, but I can't be sure. Something about the way she is looking at me as she does it sends shivers down my spine. Her hand stops, although I'm not sure why. It's almost like she suddenly remembers something that she briefly forgot about. She clears her throat and turns away, although she still doesn't let go of my hand. I immediately miss the hand through my hair.

Suddenly, the plane is moving fast down the runway, and I close my eyes. I'm thankful the armrest is not in the way and I bury my head in Quinn's neck. I only notice I've done this after I'm already there. Maybe she is more nervous of a flier than I thought because I think I can feel her pulse beating quickly. This makes me appreciate her more, because she must be ignoring her own fears for me.

"It'll be okay." She says and keeps repeating for me. I think I'm starting to believe her.

"Oh my God. Oh my God." I whisper directly into her neck as I feel the plane ascend.

I finally find the nerve to open my eyes. I see that Quinn has goose bumps on her arms again. She probably should have brought a sweatshirt. Before I realize, I'm not afraid anymore. I pull away from her neck and suddenly feel the embarrassment caused by my actions.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it. You were fine," and she comforts me again. Just like that.

"Thank you. I am also thankful that this is a short flight," I admit.

" Yes. Before you know it, we'll be in New York." As she says this, her eyes drift to the window and she watches the clouds around us and underneath us.

"I wonder what's waiting for us there"

Reviews are lovely, and so are all of you


	3. Chapter 3

**Rating: M (just because I don't want any restrictions)**

**Pairing: Rachel and Quinn for the win!**

**A/N- Sorry for the long time between updates. Thank you once again to everyone who has reviewed and everyone who is following the story. I can only repay you by neglecting my responsibilities in order to write for you. I am much more inclined to do this if I think you guys are liking it! I hope you enjoy. I appreciate the feedback so much! **

**We are finally in New York and this story will certainly progress from here! **

**Text messages are in bold. **

Quinn POV

I'm in so much trouble.

There really is no one to blame for this but me. I don't know what else I thought would happen.

Now I'm going to see her every night. Just being on that plane with her, and feeling her so close to me, drove me wild. I was seriously losing control. I am sitting in the cab, right next to her, unable to stop thinking of what it felt like when her lips were on my neck, as the words she spoke vibrated off my skin. She did this act so unconsciously and innocently and yet there was nothing innocent about the way my body responded. And we were in a plane full of people. And this is day one. I really am in so much trouble.

Now, she is looking at the window

"I can't believe we're actually here. Right now, we're driving through New York City." She turns to me and beams. She looks so effortlessly beautiful. This smile would be infectious even without if I didn't have feelings for her.

"We have been here before, Rachel." I say teasingly, reminding her of us coming for Nationals. "And I remember you saying your dads have brought you here a few times to see shows."

"I know. That was completely different and exciting in its own way. Seeing Broadway shows, just made my dream clearer. It was eye-opening, exhilarating, and inspiring. As far as Nationals, I was excited to compete at such a grand stage. It represented how far we had come as a glee club. It exemplified our growth and readiness to be the best. It made me feel like a star." I watch her exaggerated hand motions as she speaks. She is incredibly animated as always. Her passion always seems to travel throughout her body. Her eyes have lightened up and I am hanging on her every word. I love this about her.

"And now?"

"Now we are starting our lives as adults. This isn't about how far we've come as a group or how far we've come as singers, although that is why I am here primarily." She pauses. Sometimes I wonder if she does this for dramatic effect, or if she is really mulling over her next statement. She turns her head towards the car window on her side, ending eye contact between us. "I thought I'd be afraid to leave glee, and leave…everyone…behind. Instead, I know I belong here. I knew the moment that plane landed. Well the moment I managed to pull my face from your neck again."

There is something in her tone I can't quite grasp. I know she must be referring to Finn, but she doesn't sound regretful or sad. She sounds reflective. Certain.

"Is that what you think you've done? Left everyone behind?"

She turns and faces me again once again. This time she smiles weakly. "In a sense, I've left everything that comforts me behind, with exception of three lovely friends." We both laugh softly at this. She nods indicating her readiness to speak again as her smile fades. "I know I might come across as a silly girl at times. Maybe it's silly to even have such a long distance relationship. I care about him, but I assure you, I am quite realistic, as are my expectations. But, I could not and I cannot just end things, and hurt us both without first knowing who we are in our new lives."

This was not what I was expecting. I thought it was possible and secretly and selfishly held out hope that eventually distance would take its toll on them. I did not anticipate hearing that she has seriously considered the end of their relationship. I am completely speechless and I have to force myself not to feel optimistic about what she said. I have to remind myself that it doesn't help my chances. She is still with him. As far as I know, she still loves him. Most importantly, she doesn't see me that way. I am wordless far too long and must force myself to speak.

"Rachel, I didn't mean to bring it up." I finally say apologetically. "I really don't think you're silly at all. I mean who isn't sometimes. I actually think you're more thoughtful and more aware of yourself than anyone I know."

"Thank you. And it's quite alright Quinn. I am the one who brought it up after all." She smiles and puts her hand on mine. "I feel like we've gotten close lately. I mean, we've been texting a lot, and. I enjoy your company." She looks incredibly shy as she's speaking. "I've never had a real best friend. I know you've had Mercedes, and you've had Santana, although that relationship is hard for me to understand at times."

"Trust me, it's hard for me to understand, too"

She laughs and then continues. "What I'm trying to say is, I just feel like I can talk to you, for some reason. Maybe it's because I don't have a lot of very close friends." She laughs again but this seems like more of an embarrassed laugh and I notice she seems to be blushing slightly. "I sound so clingy already. I'm sorry."

I wish. "No you don't. I feel like we've gotten closer also" She looks up and smiles brightly. She is now not only holding my hand now, but she caressing my hand with her thumb. I wonder if she even notices she's doing it. She finally pulls the hand away. Rachel must be very affectionate and she clearly becoming more comfortable with me.

"I wanted to thank you."

"For?"

"For the plane. You made me feel so much better. Even better than my fathers were able to do years ago. I'm not sure if you're someone who highly values your personal space. If so, I know I completely violated it, because I was all over you."

I chuckle at this but turn away slightly, effectively avoiding eye contact, because I am definitely blushing at the thought of the previous contact. I used to be so good at hiding this before, and suddenly it's becoming impossible.

"It really was no problem. I don't have some weird aversion to being touched. It was adorable actually." I immediately curse myself for saying this but hope that it sounded innocent enough. She smiles. She's oblivious—for now.

"Well, thank you. Particularly because you didn't even tell me you are a nervous flier as well."

"A nervous flier? I'm not a…what gave you that impression?"

"I could feel your pulse. You can tell me. I just feel guilty that you had to ignore your own nerves in order to comfort me."

Shit. I remember that my heart beat was racing because her lips were against my neck. I don't know how to explain this exactly. I want out of this cab, but we've been maneuvering around the city at such a slow pace because of the traffic that I'm not sure how far into the ride we are.

"Oh. I'm not afraid exactly. I just get a little nervous right before takeoff." I immediately want to change the subject because I do not like lying to her. "Are we close?"

She turns and looks at the window, looking at a street sign. She takes out her map with the gold stars and I struggle to stifle a laugh because it's just such a Rachel Berry thing to do. I fail and I am laughing just as I did at the airport.

"Laugh all you want Quinn, but you're going to be all over this map when you're trying to find your way around," she says with a smirk as she raises her eyebrows slightly.

"Most of the streets are numbered. And thankfully I learned to count a long time ago."

"Tell that to Broadway. And Bleeker Street. And Madison. And Lexington…" she says as she points to various locations on the map.

"Okay, okay you win! Stop listing street names."

"I'm glad to hear it." She studies the map again. "Looks like we're almost home." She practically sings the last two words.

I look around searching for our new apartment. Rachel is doing the same on her side. After making a final turn, the cab pulls over. There are no spots, so he double parks. There are two other cars double parked on the block. I guess people just do that all the time here.

We get out of the car. Rachel and I are both smiling like fools even though the building is nothing impressive. The cab driver helps us get our bags out of the trunk, and he leaves after we pay him.

We both take a moment, standing on the sidewalk, side by side, looking up at our building. I have to admit, this moment feels big. Bigger than I expected. Maybe this is because I'm making this step with _her_. Finally, I decide that I'll take the first step and I grab my bags. Rachel does the same and we're headed inside. Those silly smiles are still on our faces the whole time.

* * *

After seeing our Super, and getting our key, we are in front of our door. We decided not to drop in on Mercedes and Kurt until we at least saw the apartment first.

"Ready?" I ask with the key in my hand.

She nods. "I am definitely ready"

I open the door to let her walk in first, which would give me the added bonus of getting to watch her walk in front of me. She is wearing tight jeans, which I just don't get to see enough. I have spent a ridiculous amount of time today checking her out. Her ass looks great in her skirts, for sure, but these jeans. Wow.

She walks as I follow into a very short hallway which leads to the living room. The room looks great. It's not very big though, but Rachel did tell me New York City apartments were generally pretty tiny unless you spent an unreasonable amount of money. I notice Rachel's elliptical in the corner, and it reminds me again how close I will be to her. I will witness every one of her daily routines. I turn my attention to the couch. The couch has two seats and then chaise attached. I loved it immediately when I saw it online. That's going to be a great place for a nap. Also, Kurt, likely with the help of his father, put up shelves throughout the room. This is great because there clearly isn't a lot of space for storage. We walk past the living room, and into the kitchen. It's a nice size and has a dark wooden table with four chairs. Rachel said we didn't need to buy a kitchen table for now because the previous tenants left theirs. We decided to save money, unless it was hideous. It'll do, I think. I notice the microwave looks incredibly old. So old, in fact that there is a knob instead of buttons. Rachel opens some cabinets and sees the plates and cups we had sent here. She takes out her glass cup with a gold store, runs her hands over it, and quickly puts it back. Then she sees the Rachel Ray cookware she ordered. She turns to me and gives me one of those excited (and gorgeous) smiles.

She brushes past me, signaling to me that we're done in the kitchen. I follow as she leads me to the bedroom. This room small. Very small. In fact, since both Rachel and I wanted full beds, our beds are on either side, with only the length of an end table between us. I see the closet is huge, which is definitely a bonus, but I swallow hard at the realization of just how close we'll be sleeping. I will turn over and see her sleeping practically right next to me.

We walk back into the living room, and I can't believe we've been silent for so long This has to be a record for Rachel Berry. Then suddenly she runs to me and puts her arms around me tightly. She is hugging me. We've hugged before, when we've won glee competitions and also at graduation. Those were different. For those hugs, it was just my turn as she was making her way around to hugging everyone. This one is just for me. This feels strangely intimate, and not just on my end. Well it also adds to how intimate if feels when she her body turns me on like a switch when she's this close. This is longer than most friendly hug, I think to myself.

I feel her body against mine and we are embracing each other for a few seconds. She pulls away but slides her hands into mine, so we're still touching.

"I love it." She finally says. She doesn't say it in her normal, overly enthusiastic way. Instead she says it softly and meaningfully.

I nod. "I can barely believe it's ours." Truthfully I can barely believe anything is _ours_.

"I know!" She finally lets go of my hands, and I sigh inwardly at the loss of contact. "I can't believe how much Kurt and Mercedes have done for us, putting our dishes away, putting up shelves, and even putting our beds together. I think we owe them dinner for sure."

I look down and notice a folded piece of paper on the coffee table. I can't believe neither of us noticed this before.

**Dear Quinn and Rachel,**

**Welcome Home! I hope you like what we've done with the place so far. We know, we know. We're amazing. **

**-Your Fabulous Friends**

**FYI You definitely owe us!**

I laugh and show Rachel immediately.

"I wonder if dinner is enough," she worries. "Perhaps a gift would be more appropriate."

"Then we'll get them a gift." I reply. "I think it's time we tell them we're here."

After texting Kurt and Mercedes, they take about 20 seconds to come into the apartment. We're all jumping into each others' arms and acting as though we hadn't seen each other in months, although it's only been a week. We're all ridiculously enthusiastic about the move. I keep stealing glances at Rachel's smiling face. I love seeing her this happy.

We all sit and spend about an hour, listening to them tell us about their first week there. We're just laughing and enjoying each other when we hear it begin to rain outside. Rachel walks to the nearest window.

"I suppose we won't be going out on our first night here." She says unhappily.

"You'll have plenty of time for that. We should just order Chinese and celebrate your first night here inside." Mercedes suggests.

"Which reminds me…" Kurt shouts and runs out the door. Rachel looks at me in confusion and then to Mercedes for an explanation.

"What was that about?" I ask.

Before Mercedes can answer, Kurt is back with his hands behind his back.

"I hope you ladies are ready for a fun first night!" Kurt pulls out two bottles of wine from behind his back.

"Kurt, how did you manage to get that?" Rachel asks. I smile at the way she says it, because it almost sounds like she's afraid we'll get caught.

"I used stealth." Kurt says, "And by stealth I mean I waited until my dad and Carol went out to their respective jobs before I snuck into their liquor cabinet and packed these bottles in my clothes. I'm pretty sure they'll notice soon because they only had about 4 bottle of wine to begin with."

"And I doubt he'd come all the way to New York just to kick your butt" Mercedes says with a laugh.

"Oh I doubt it too, but only because with current gas prices, he might as well just replace the bottles." Kurt laughs.

"Do we even have a corkscrew?" I ask. I was not the most enthusiastic about drinking in high school, but I know there is no one here looking to take advantage of me. _Unfortunately,_ I think as I watch Rachel walk to the kitchen. Goodness, that ass.

"Maybe we'll be lucky and the previous tenants left one behind." Rachel shouts from the kitchen. I get up and follow her, figuring it'll cut the search in half if I help.

She is looking through drawers as I come up from behind her.

"Want some help?" I ask.

She smiles and nods. "Please." She moves slightly to the side giving just enough room to look through drawers as well. She bends down and looks through the lower drawers. Now we're insanely close together. Maybe I don't need wine; I'm already intoxicated. I can barely keep looking through the drawers, as my eyes are looking elsewhere. I'm insanely distracted. When did I become such a horn ball? I can't help but feel embarrassed by how blatant I have been.

"I found one!" She jumps up with it in her hand. I'm startled because she interrupted my dirty thoughts of her. I look away quickly in embarrassment as if she is able to somehow read my mind.

"Let's grab some glasses" I say, I notice we don't have wine glasses, so we'll have to deal with a mixture of glasses and coffee mugs. Rachel laughs when she notices as well. "Would you prefer a Snoopy mug or a Disneyworld mug with your wine?"

"Wow, I feel so grown up." Rachel jokes. We both laugh again.

"I'm glad you are having a blast in the kitchen, but can we drink this wine already?" Mercedes shouts from the living room.

Rachel and I walk back into the living room and Kurt looks at the glasses we brought in with amusement.

"How classy," he says.

* * *

I'm not even sure how much time has passed. All I know, is that we've already drank more than one bottle of wine and I'm pretty sure we're all a little drunk. We've been reminiscing about high school and just cracking up. Rachel is sitting at the foot of the chaise while I was sitting at the head. She suddenly slides up right next to me. Since this seat is really meant for one, our bodies are in close proximity.

"This wine is making me sleepy." Rachel says as she puts her head on my shoulder.

"When did you two become best of friends" Kurt asks noticing how comfortable Rachel seems with me.

"It was a vacant position," Rachel says with a self deprecating laugh. "It's a position I'd like her in…I mean…I want her in that position…I mean" Rachel covers her mouth as she seems to realize what she said.

Mercedes and Kurt start laughing so hard they are struggling for air. "Do you even know what you're saying?" Mercedes asks barely able to get the question out.

"Careful, Quinn, Rachel is thinking of positions to put you in." Kurt teases.

I laugh and shake my head at our two friends. If they only knew I'd be more than willing. Of course this is only funny to them because they find the notion of Rachel and me in various…positions…to be ludicrous. I notice that Rachel is completely flushed. This may be because she is very intoxicated, or she may be incredibly embarrassed by the sexual jokes. It's probably both.

"That's not what I meant. I mean, Quinn is so cool. She's amazing! And she is so pretty. How are you so pretty, Quinn?"

"Yes, Quinn's cool. Quinn's pretty. Want to be alone with her Rachel?" Kurt continues to tease her. They have had this relationship for awhile. Kurt is constantly teasing her.

"Are you being perverted?" Rachel lifts her head and with her eyesbrows furrowed.

"Rachel, you win the award for least able to hold your liquor" Mercedes says, and I am thankful because I can tell I am blushing very noticeably from Rachel's words and Kurt's teasing. Rachel said I am pretty and I am reduced to a blushing school girl with a crush. I don't want Kurt and Mercedes to turn their attention to me.

"It's going to be interesting to see you girls spending so much time together. Imagine you _do_ become best friends. It seems like yesterday you two were fighting over Finn." Mercedes says.

"Haven't we all?" Kurt says with a sigh and quickly laughs. "I'm so embarrassed that I was so hopelessly in love with that boy."

It does seem like a long time ago for all of us. Now it's just Rachel. Of course, I never loved Finn, but they don't know that. They don't know why I couldn't.

"It feels like a _long_ time ago to me" I say slightly under my breath. Little did they all know that Finn still stood between us, but in a completely different way. Rachel looks up to me and smiles slightly. With her looking up, our faces aren't very far apart. I clear my throat trying not to be consumed by my desire to kiss her. She then puts her head right back on my shoulder. I turn towards Mercedes and Kurt. I suddenly realize they have been continuing their conversation the whole time. I completely zoned out.

"Maybe we should go to bed. We still have plenty of wine left for another day." I say interrupting them.

"Yeah, I think you're right. Rachel can barely keep her eyes open." Mercedes answers and pulls Kurt along with her.

They say their goodnights and leave. Rachel opens her eyes when she hears the door close.

"Oh no. I fell asleep." She suddenly sounds like she had a Red Bull. I never know where her energy comes from.

"You slept for like 5 seconds." I answer. "Let's go to bed"

I get up and stumble. I am drunker than I thought. Rachel starts laughing at me. I pick up one of the throw pillows that Kurt had tossed on the floor to make room. I throw it at her and it hits her right in the face just as she was getting off the couch, knocking her right back down.

I start laughing uncontrollably, as I did not mean to hit her in the face. I figured my aim would probably be impaired and I'd miss her. "I'm sorry." I say between laughs. I'm thinking this doesn't sound very genuine.

"I'm going to get you for that!" She says with a playful smile. She picks up the pillow and starts to come after me. I run to the other side of the room to escape. Running isn't very easy right now. She throws the pillow but I dodge it. She turns towards the couch and picks up another pillow and begins to chase me again. There isn't exactly a lot of room to run away from her and suddenly she picks up speed and catches me. She starts hitting me with the pillow. I can't stop laughing because she's not exactly hitting me hard but she's relentless.

"This isn't fair. Stop. Hitting. Me." I run into the bedroom and she continues to chase me. She keeps hitting me with a smile on her face.

"Not so tough now?" She teases.

Suddenly she swings the pillow harder and falls forward along with the pillow. Drunken pillow fights are probably not a great idea. I've seen her clumsiness when she's drunk first hand at Puck's end of year party. She falls right on top of me on the floor, right between our two beds. I hit my head on the floor, but there is carpet so it doesn't hurt. Still, she is right on top, with her legs on both sides of me, practically straddling me. My breath catches as I fully realize the position we're in. I feel that ache at the pit of my stomach.

"I'm sorry Quinn. Are you okay?" She says with concern as she puts her hand on the back of my head.

"I…uh…I'm fine." I can barely think. Her hair is a mess. Her loose tank top has shifted enough and quite a bit of cleavage is showing. Did I mention she is on top of me? She's biting her lip, and she is making no move to get off of me. I am an embarrassingly horny drunk, and I am feeling a familiar wetness between my thighs. She is staring into my eyes, and I can't figure out what she is thinking. She has never looked at me this way before.

"I think I won" she says with a laugh. She finally moves and puts her hand on her bed to lift herself. "Given our previous conversation in the living room, Kurt would have had quite a laugh if he saw us in the position"

"I'm sure." I answer. I am thankful I found the ability to speak again.

She moves towards her bags and squats down to look through one of them I start looking for my pajamas as well. I grab shorts and a tank top and lift my head back up once I find what I'm looking for in order to head to the bathroom to change. My mouth drop as I see that Rachel pulled her shirt off. She is changing right in front of me. First I gaze at her tight stomach and her modest, but perfect round breasts in her bra. I lick my lips and let out a soft moan. I cover my mouth quickly hoping she didn't hear me. She puts a t-shirt on seemingly oblivious to my inappropriate behavior and starts to unbutton her jeans. I feel like it's wrong for me to watch but I can't turn my head. I must force myself not to look. I finally look down awkwardly and concentrate on the carpet. My thoughts are interrupted as I hear her slightly stumble. I lift my head again and see that she is losing balance trying to take off her jeans. I'm reminded again how drunk she is. She sits down on the bed with her jeans partially down and sighs loudly in frustration.

I walk over. "Need help?" I'm not sure if I want her to say yes or no because I don't know I will handle helping her take her clothes off. She smiles and nods.

"Can you take my jeans off?" She whispers. My eyes widen and I know now I am definitely blushing. I feel like she is trying to kill me here.

I take a deep breath because I don't want her to see that my hands our shaking. She has small polka dot panties on right now. I kneel down and start to pull her jeans further down. Incidentally my fingers are brushing against her legs slightly. I've always wanted to run my hands up and down her legs. I think I hear her let out a breath. Her legs look amazing as I am exposing more of her skin. I would give anything to kiss her knees, her thighs. I take a deep breath as I try to stop myself from thinking further than this. Once I have her jeans off, she smiles thankfully.

"Thank you. You're really great." She is blushing. "I'm so embarrassed"

"Why?" I say as I stand up.

"Nothing." She turns and starts to get under the covers. I see that she has no plans to put on pants. "I'm just so drunk." She says softly, as if she is not speaking to me but to herself. It's as if she is trying to convince herself. Of what? I can't be sure.

"Don't worry about it. It happens." I say, thinking about how inebriated I feel. I have to go to bed. I am practically throbbing in my arousal and know I can't take care of it right now. I sigh heavily. I sit there on the edge of my bed almost unable to move. I watch her drift to sleep.

I am in so much trouble.

* * *

Let me know what you think! :)


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Did I mention that I love you guys? The reviews get me hyped to write. It really baffles my mind that people have called me a great writer. I am so flattered. I honestly have so many ideas that I can't wait to write. For now I will keep up with the alternating Points of View in each chapter. Later I will often alter between points of view within the same chapter. This chapter takes place two weeks from the last one, but has quite a bit of flashbacks. **

Rachel POV

I can't wait to get home.

It's been a almost two weeks since Quinn and I moved to New York. It's been wonderful. It's been invigorating. It's been…confusing.

I'm walking home from class now. I am in love with my classes thus far and trying my best not to start off on the wrong foot with my fellow Musical Theater majors. I have already learned so much and met great people. Still, most days, I'm most excited to just go home.

My phone vibrates, and I quickly look at to read my incoming text message.

**Finn: Hey Rach. Sorry I didn't text you back last night. How was your day?**

Much of our relationship happens through text messages these days. Honestly, I think we both are enjoying the collegiate life (although Finn is constantly complaining that they make him read too much). Sometimes I wonder if we both downplay how much we're enjoying it, because we don't want to hurt each other's feelings. We discuss our day. I tell him about my classes. He tells me about football; although he only made it on the team as the "third string" quarterback, he does have to attend all practices and games. This keeps him from being able to visit. He goes to parties on weekends (he is rooming with Puck, after all). He tells me when he goes, but doesn't tell me much about them (although I have received quite a few drunken horny text messages. This is not a turn on, for your information). We don't converse much on the phone, mostly because Finn has a short attention span.

**Rachel: Excellent, but exhausting and my back is killing me. I hurt it dancing today. Yours?**

Mostly, I still enjoy talking to him. It's comforting. It's almost like a return home, but it feels less and less like a relationship every day. Considering the combination of the lack of proximity between us and the fact that we barely have had a real conversation, it's feeling more like a friendship. It's kind of strange and slightly scary to admit that to myself. Still when he tells me how much he loves and cares for me, how much he misses me, how much he thinks about me, I feel guilty about even entertaining these thoughts. He's a good guy. Two years is a lot to walk away from.

**Finn: Not bad. I hope your back feels better soon.** **Miss you.**

I sigh loudly, as I continue to walk the streets of Manhattan. This isn't all I've been feeling guilty about lately.

* * *

_Two Weeks Ago_

_Quinn and I spent the entire day exploring the city, after I finally got over my hangover. I was so drunk the previous night that I slept through my alarm, which I never do. I did not even have the opportunity to work out. Instead, I woke up a little past 9 to the smell of coffee. Quinn managed to find her way around enough to get coffee and bagels for breakfast (she even got me vegan cream cheese). She made a point of boasting that she did so without a map. Even though Quinn seemed to have proven me wrong about the necessity of my map, I was so thankful for the coffee that I couldn't even pout. _

_Now, we were just sitting on a park bench in Central Park. This was a first for both of us. So far, this was one of my favorite days. _

"_I know I've said this no less than 20 times today, but can you believe we're here?" She laughs at me. She does this a lot but it's not malicious. It's sweet even. It makes me feel like she enjoys me. _

"_I'm right there with you. We can go to Central Park every weekend if we want. It's surreal. In Lima, people spent their Saturdays at the bowling alley if they felt like getting out of the house," she replies with a smile. I suddenly can't imagine what it would have been like to come here without her._

"_So, can I ask how badly I embarrassed myself last night? I have avoided asking all day, but have to know." The truth is, I'm pretty sure I remember it all. Mostly, I want to know if I've freaked her out in any way. First I was hitting her with a pillow, then I was on top of her, and then I was too drunk to take off my own pants. This wasn't an ideal way for me to start our time as roommates. _

"_You don't remember?" she asked, almost hopefully. Maybe she doesn't want me to remember. She must fee some sympathy for me. _

"_I remember…I think," and this isn't a complete lie. I just want to make sure I remember it correctly. _

"_You didn't embarrass yourself. It was really typical clumsiness when drunk. You couldn't even take your own pants off." She says with a chuckle. I feel like I see a hint of a blush in her cheeks. Maybe it's just sunburn. It is pretty hot out here today. Maybe I really embarrassed her, since it seemed I couldn't stop invading her personal space yesterday. _

_I'm blushing so much it's incredibly embarrassing. I just hope that she didn't notice my…reaction, to her touch last night. When she was taking off my jeans, I felt a sudden unfamiliar want. I felt tingles travel up my legs at the feel of her soft hands. I briefly imagined what it'd be like if she was taking off my jeans, and not as a favor. Suddenly, I was lusting for her, however briefly. I am pretty sure this revelation would creep her out. I was just very intoxicated. I should not drink so much wine. Maybe wine makes me act and feel out of character. That must be it. I have a boyfriend for goodness sakes. I've never been attracted to a girl. I should change the subject, because last night was just a momentary lapse. It was just a moment. _

"_You know, I'm surprised that you were willing to live with me." I say suddenly. I've wanted to say this for awhile but only now feel comfortable to. _

"_Why are you surprised? Still think I don't like you?" _

"_It's not that I think you dislike me per se. I don't think that anymore. I guess I couldn't really imagine being your friend. I've felt uneasy around you in the past." I admit._

"_Rachel, I'm sorry I made you feel uncomfortable. I know I treated you terribly in the past…" _

"_That's not why exactly." I interrupt her because I don't want her to feel unnecessarily guilty. "The jokes at my expense are really water under the bridge. I told you long ago I didn't hate you. I never did, honestly." _

"_Then what's the reason?" She asks, looking relieved at what I said, but like she was hanging on my every word._

"_It's hard for me to say. You seemed so confident. You were a Cheerio. Beautiful. Sure of yourself. You fell to the bottom of the social ladder, and just as easily found your way back to the top. You managed to keep all your close friends along the way. Not to mention everyone wanted you, and yet you seemed to barely bat an eye at any guy. I guess I felt intimidated." Somehow it feels freeing to be this completely honest with her. _

_She takes a moment before answering. She shakes her head slowly. "I just can't believe you were intimidated by me. Cheerleading? I meant very little to me. You had passion in a way I haven't had in my life. And I wish I was as confident as I came across. Sophomore year, I felt like such a screw-up and an all-around bad person. I was inspired by you...ummm all of you… by glee, to be better. In all honesty, I have more of a reason to feel intimidated by you."_

_I am completely thrown off by the revelation. Intimidated by me?_

"_But I was pretty much the epitome of uncool," This is all I manage to say out loud. _

"_That's because the high school hierarchy was not based on who deserves it most. You are incredible. The fact that the students at that school, including me, made you feel that everything that makes you special was something embarrassing, shameful, or uncool, just shows how awful that school is. I'm glad you didn't try to be more like me. I think you're…amazing" _

"_I...wow…you really think that?" I am completely flattered by this. I can't help it. It's amazing to hear. I have never been lacking in confidence in my abilities, but I was pretty used to people constantly telling me I was too critical, or annoying, or had to change in some way. I definitely don't expect this from Quinn. _

"_I do." She smiles and then there is a pause. "You said I am beautiful." This isn't a question. She just says it as if it surprises her. She couldn't possibly be that modest. _

_I laugh. "Yes. I don't even think that's debatable" She responds with a blush. This baffles me because she is just about the epitome of beauty. You would think she heard this every day. _

"_Thank you," she finally says. Now I can definitely tell she is blushing, and I find it so endearing. _

"_So you didn't respond to part of what I said earlier."I give her a smirk because I am definitely prying. _

"_Which part?"She asks. _

"_The part about everyone wanting you. Why didn't you date? I didn't even hear about you hooking up with anyone, although, I admit, I wasn't always privy to gossip."_

"_Well not everyone wanted me." She says looking away. She says this very seriously and I hope I haven't struck a nerve. "I wasn't dating because, the people that were interested just weren't what I was looking for."_

"_Did you want anyone that _wasn't_ interested?"_

_She sighs. "Maybe." I realize that this is not information I will be getting out of her. I try to think of who she was referring to. Perhaps it's Noah. But from what I heard, he did want her for a long time. Maybe he didn't want to commit to her the way she wanted. That certainly fits his character. _

"_I'm being nosey. I'm sorry."_

"_It's okay. Who isn't, right? Santana was always trying to influence me to sleep with people. She insisted I needed it badly. Even Mercedes wanted to know why I didn't date. She would say 'don't you think any of these boys are fine?'" She says with a laugh. "I'm just overly private." _

_I sense that I should change the subject. It's not time for those questions yet. "You mentioned lacking passion for something in particular. Are you hoping to find that passion in New York?"I ask, because I am enjoying getting to know her. As much as I already feel closer to her, I am still incredibly intrigued by her. _

"_Yes. Without my parents here, I also feel the freedom to make that choice without judgment. I'm just trying to find myself away from that restrictive and judgmental world."_

_I nod although I don't understand. Not really. My fathers were incredibly supportive of everything I do. It makes me incredibly sad for her to think she didn't have that at home. _

"_I feel like I am talking too much." She says with a hint of embarrassment._

"_No. We're just getting to know each other a little better." _

* * *

I still have about another few blocks to walk before I get home. Today Quinn will have beaten me home as she only had two morning classes. I knew her schedule pretty well by now, but she'd always leave me a Post-it to tell me what she what time she'd be home. We were always leaving each other little notes all over the house. Sometimes it was to give a reminder ("Garbage day!"). Sometimes it was an inside joke. Many mornings I woke up to a post it on my elliptical that said, "Get some rest!" Other times I saw a note on the coffee bag that said, "Have you ever met my friend, Decaf?" She was always questioning where my energy came from. I smile to myself, wondering what note I'll find tomorrow.

Suddenly, I smell something delicious and I wonder if she's eaten dinner, because I am approaching a Thai restaurant that I know she loves. I don't feel like cooking tonight.

**Rachel: Do you have plans this evening?**

**Quinn: Yes, only if HBO On Demand counts as plans?**

**Rachel: It counts as plans if you're not doing it alone. I'll pick up food. You pick the movie?**

**Quinn: Okay, but no looking up the movie's score on Rottentomatoes to veto my movie choice. **

**Rachel: LOL. I think you secretly love all the things about me that you seek to change. **

**Quinn: Maybe**

I smile brightly because she _always_ says "maybe" when she doesn't want to make an admission.

**Rachel: I promise to let you pick whatever you like, although I can't promise I won't look up its rating on . **

**Quinn: With that compromise in mind I might have to find the most hilariously bad movie available. **

**Rachel: You do that, and we're watching Phantom of the Opera again right afterwards. **

**Quinn: Not again! Not ever! **

I laugh out loud at the text, and then I hear a cab beep. Oops. I need to pay attention to the street signs.

**Rachel: We'll see. I have to stop texting, because I almost got hit by a car.**

**Quinn: Hurry home before your Phantom of the Opera DVD mysteriously finds its way off your shelf to an undisclosed location. **

I'm giggling as I cross the street. She has already hidden my Zagat guide twice. Luckily people here barely bat an eye at what others are doing, because I am not sure what has come over me. I am positively giddy.

The truth is that I don't want to dig deeper to discover an explanation for what has come over me. I can't allow myself to.

* * *

_One week earlier_

_I walk into the apartment to find Quinn asleep on the couch, with a book on her lap. I know precisely why she's tired because I've been struggling to stay awake all day myself. We've been making a habit of staying up ridiculously late every night. We either stay up all night talking or we watch movies all night (especially after I learned how few musicals she'd actually seen). Kurt and Mercedes sometimes join us. Often it's just the two of us. Back in Lima, I was very strict about what time I went to bed and when I rose in the morning, but I've become seemingly addicted to her company overnight. _

_I notice how awkward of a position she's in, and fear that she will wake up with a neck pain. I walk over and kneel next to her. I gently touch put my hand to her cheek to move her head slightly to her right. As I do this, I feel her move slightly on her own accord. _

"_Rachel," she whispers with a bit of a husky voice. I must have woken her up. _

"_Yes, I'm home," I whisper, but her eyes remain closed. She's still asleep. I stand up and take a seat next to her on the couch and watch her sleep for awhile. I lift my hand from her cheek to her hair and lightly run my hands through it. I'm not sure how long I do this, but it's almost like I'm in a trance, as I hear her breathing and scan her face, her eyelashes, her lips. How can someone be so beautiful? I jump as I hear my phone vibrate forcing me out of my daze._

_**Mercedes: What are you doing, girl? **_

_That's a good question. What am I doing? _

_**Kurt: Cedes and I are on our way. We have booze!**_

_I sigh when I read this, remembering the last time I was drunk, just a week before. _

_I lean forward and put my elbows on my knees, place my face in my hands. It was nothing. I felt nothing. Last week, I didn't think about what it'd be like to kiss her. I didn't think about how it would have felt for her to slide her hands up my legs and between my thighs…_

"_Hey. Are you okay?" I hear Quinn speaking softly to me, as she places her hand on the small of my back. My phone must have woken her up._

_I quickly recover, regain my posture, and face her with a smile. "I'm fine. Just a little tired, and it seems like Mercedes and Kurt are heading over here with liquor in hand."_

"_Yeah, apparently Santana told them that our tolerance is embarrassingly low for a group of college students, and we had to fix that."_

"_And that's just about the most concern she's ever shown for me." I shake my head with a laugh. "How is she by the way?"_

"_Her and Brit seem to like Rutgers so far. They plan on visiting us soon since apparently they're only like 45 minutes away."_

"_Oh. Fun." She laughs at my feigned indifference. The truth is, I actually think it'd be fun, although I worry, perhaps unreasonably, about how my friendship with Quinn would be affected while they are around. I wonder if they know how close we've become. Instead of saying this, I say, "Have you been in touch with them much?"_

"_Here and there. Santana is constantly asking how our roommate situation is going. She seems overly interested actually." She practically mumbles the last statement as she mulls it over. _

_Before, I can ask about it, there is a knock on the door. "It looks like they're here." _

_Quinn gets up and answers the door. Mercedes and Kurt walk in with exaggerated smiles. I think they've already started drinking without us._

_Kurt begins to speak, "So apparently we're all juvenile because we've only drank heavily once since we've all been here, so…"_

"_Let's party!" Mercedes finishes. I can't believe they're finishing each other's sentences. She pulls out a bottle of what I believe is vodka. I don't have a great angle to see. I try to share their enthusiasm and hide the fact that I'm apprehensive about getting drunk around Quinn again._

_Several hours later, Kurt and Mercedes are saying goodbye and leaning on each other as they stumble out the door. I glance at the clock and it's past midnight. I definitely feel the effects of the alcohol but I am nowhere near as drunk as I was last week. I purposefully made my own drinks so they wouldn't be very strong. Quinn on the other hand is drunker than I've ever seen her. Mercedes was making her drinks the whole night, and either she didn't realize she was not supposed to put more vodka than cranberry juice, or she wanted to see Quinn drunk.,_

_I can't say I blame her. It's been entertaining to watch. On Kurt's urging, Quinn serenaded us with her rendition of "I Say a Little Prayer," along with a dance. Apparently she sang that song for her Glee audition. She sang it very well tonight but completely forgot the lyrics after first chorus. _

_Now, I look over to her and she is looking through my iPod and dancing, although no music is playing. I go to the kitchen to get her water. I don't want her to feel sick in the morning. _

"_Drink this, Quinn." I say as I hold out the water. She turns around and faces me with a huge smile on her face. Boy, have the tables turned since last week. _

"_Taking care of me?" She says, and it sounds somewhat seductive, before taking the glass from my hand. _

"_I think you should get to sleep," I say playfully. _

"_I'm really not interested in sleep," She says with a wink and then laughs. It seems like Quinn gets pretty flirtatious when she's drunk. I'm wondering if I should play along. I know she's joking anyway._

"_I…umm…Drink your water!" I finally say, and I giggle. I seriously giggled. _

"_Am I making you nervous?" She teases. _

"_Now I see why you didn't drink much in high school. You're a flirt." I answer _

"_Unlike you. You just straddle people." She's says again, with that seductive voice. I laugh nervously. This is the first time she's brought that up. _

"_It was a pillow fight mishap." I explain while brushing profusely. "Last week, was uncharacteristic." She smiles at this and looks as though she is going to speak again, but then doesn't. _

_She does drink her water and then turns her attention back to my iPod. Suddenly "Don't Rain on my Parade" is playing, albeit not very loudly. I look at her with a surprised expression. I know I've made her watch Funny Girl since we've moved in, but I didn't realize she enjoyed the song that much. We're both silent for a few moments._

"_I wonder how many people fell in love with you during this performance." She finally says, softly. It sounded almost sad. _

_I hear her clearly but still, all I can say is, "What?"_

_I know she is referring to Sectionals, sophomore year. Does she mean Finn fell in love with me then? I remember that was an emotional time for her. It was very shortly after everyone found out her secret. _

_She looks up at me. "I think that was the most incredible thing I've ever seen." She no longer looks sad but she looks vulnerable in a way, she hasn't let me see yet. I'm speechless. I've never exactly gotten feedback from her in a performance. I walk up to her and turn off the iPod player. _

"_Quinn? What's going…?"_

_She interrupts me. "I just never told you." She runs her hands through her hair. She looks distressed like she's trying to gain composure. She can't make herself sober and it's frustrating her. "I didn't tell you how great you were then." She says finally. _

_I smile. "Thank you Quinn. It means even more to me now then it would have then." She smiles back. _

"_I think you're right. I should go to bed"_

"_You go ahead. I'm going to clean up and take a shower." She lifts her eyebrow ready to make another comment but instead just laughs, and heads to the bedroom. _

_I walk to the bathroom, trying to figure out what that was all about. _

* * *

Finally home after a long wait at the Thai restaurant, I walk through my door and sing out, "Honey, I'm home," but stop in my tracks when I see Quinn on the floor of the living room, doing yoga, in skin-tight workout pants and a sports bra, in the camel pose _[A/N look it up and imagine Dianna Agron in this position.]_. My eyes widen. She lifts her head up, getting out of position. Her skin is glistering from the sweat. I am bewildered by how sexy I find this. Her body is incredible. Those abs are mesmerizing.

"Hey. I didn't realize you were already on your way home" She says with a smile. She looks down at the bag in my hand. "Smells great."

"I brought food from that Thai place on 7th. I know you loved it last time." I manage to say, although I am completely flustered. I really hope I can hide this but my eyes won't stop traveling up and down her body. She gives me a huge smile in appreciation for the food. I put the bag down on the coffee table and let out a low grown when I feel that pain in my back.

"Are you okay?" She asks as she crosses her legs.

"I hurt my back today. It's nothing really, but it hurts when I bend"

"Show me where." I walk over to where she's sitting and turn my back to her. She gets back on her knees as I lift my shirt in the back and place my hand on my lower back. She puts her on top of mine and it adds to how on fire my skin feels right now in her proximity. Get a grip. I think I must just be sexually frustrated.

I turn back around to face her and she gets up off the floor and picks up her mat. I clearly haven't gotten a grip because now I can't stop staring at her ass in those tight pants. Since when do I check out women?

"We all had lower back pain all the time on Cheerios. Why don't you lay down and I'll massage it for you." I gulp. I'm not sure I can handle her hands on my body right now. My mind immediately goes back to our first night here. I nod anyway, because I also desperately want her hands on me.

"Later. I think we should have dinner and a movie before I let you put your hands all over me." I joke. It makes me feel more in control. She responds with a slight blush and shakes her head with a smile. She really only flirted with me that one time after drinking too much. She didn't seem to remember any of it the next morning. I admit, this kind of disappoints me.

"Let's eat then." She says. She looks down at what she's wearing. "Let me just take a quick shower and change." Good. She needs to get out of that outfit immediately, if I'm expected to behave myself.

* * *

After dinner, we searched through On-Demand to find a movie to watch. We weren't enthusiastic about anything, so Quinn just turned on HBO to see what was on. It was Jennifer's Body, and it had only been on for a few minutes, so Quinn put the remote down.

"Have you watched this before?" I ask.

She simply shakes her head.

"It's not supposed to be very good."

She shrugs. "At the very least it'll have some snappy dialogue, right?" she answers. I nod. I don't mind watching a bad movie tonight. I'm exhausted and am not sure I have to energy to give a movie the attention it deserves.

I find myself getting surprisingly into the movie and suddenly the two lead actresses are kissing. It's actually pretty sexy. I feel a sudden tightness in my stomach. I let my eyes shift from the screen to glance at Quinn's lips. I quickly glance back at the screen again, completely paranoid that she'll notice. I can't help but wonder what it would be like to kiss a girl. _To kiss Quinn._ I think to myself. I know this isn't the first time it has crossed my mind, but suddenly I can't get the idea out of my head.

The rest of the movie goes by with a blur. The credits are rolling and I'm not sure anymore what happened onscreen. I'm too distracted by the thoughts that I have had since I've come home today. This time there is no alcohol to blame. I want to say I'm probably just confused by our closeness. I'm not used to having a friendship like this. That must be it.

Although I silenced my phone, I notice that it's blinking. I have a text.

**Finn: How is your night going?**

I feel overcome with guilt when I see his name on my phone. A text message shouldn't have to remind me that fantasies about my roommate are wrong.

**Rachel: Quiet night in tonight. **

**Finn: Cool. Say hi to Quinn. I know you guys are together like every second. **

I can't convey the tone in a text, so I'll assume he wasn't being rude. He would never be jealous of Quinn. That would be crazy. Quinn is straighter than an arrow.

What does that make me? Bisexual? Bicurious? Confused?

**Rachel: I will. **

**Finn: It's getting really hard being away from you like this. I miss you. **

**Rachel: I know it's hard, Finn. I miss you too. **

I do miss him in a lot of ways. I am enjoying being without him though, even more than I anticipated.

Why are these doubts plaguing me? Finn meant a lot to me. He has for a long time. I feel guilty all over again because I have really let two weeks away from him confuse me so thoroughly. I try to remember the last time he gave me butterflies. I try to remember what I felt before I got in that car to go to the airport two weeks ago. If I was or am in love with him, can it change this quickly?

I need to see him, I conclude. It's wrong for me figure this all out from 500 miles away. Two years is a long time, I remind myself.

"Finn?" Quinn questions pointing to the the phone in my hands. I look up and meet her eyes.

I put my phone down. "He says hi."

"Hi right back." She sounds slightly cold. I don't usually hear this tone from her. She turns the TV off and gets off the couch. "I'm getting water. Want anything?

Part of me feels very thirsty, but that is probably because I'm suddenly feeling sad and guilty.

"I'm fine. Thanks." I say for some reason. I'm not sure why but things feel awkward all of a sudden.

I walk into our bedroom and take off my clothes and bra and start to put on my pajamas. It's a somewhat loose gray t-shirt and short pink shorts. I feel that pain in my back again when I pull my shorts up. Quinn walks in just as I get my shirt on.

"How's your back?" She asks. She seems to have brightened up. Maybe water cheers her up as well. Perhaps, nothing was bothering her at all and I was just over-analyzing her tone to begin with.

"It's still hurting," I admit. "Is that massage still on the table?" I ask hopefully. I'm probably playing with fire, but I know I need it. I can't afford to let an injury affect my progress. Once again my ambition overpowers my loyalty. This is definitely one of my weaker character traits.

She smiles. "Of course. Just lie on your bed"

I lie down and she stands on the bed next to me. She lifts my shirt slightly and slowly and tentatively massages my back.

I turn my head towards her. I notice that her position on the side of the bed is a little awkward for her.

She looks at my eyes. "I'm sorry. I just…I'm not sure I can do it well from here?"

"You can get on the bed with me if that's easier." I say suddenly.

Her eyes widen slightly. "Okay. Um. Sure." Quinn climbs on the bed and gets on her knees right next to me. She lifts my shirt higher and keeps massaging my back.

I bite my lip because, despite my behavior today, I didn't realize her touch would set me on fire this way. I'm starting to breathe more heavily.

"Mmm.." I let out a soft moan.

Quinn's hands stop moving for a second, and I feel incredibly embarrassed. I feel like perhaps I've crossed a line. She has magic hands! It's not my fault.

I was clearly wrong because she seems more encouraged and continues.

"Is this okay?" she asks quietly.

"Yes. Quinn, you're amazing at this," I say with a blush and hope she doesn't notice how low my voice suddenly is.

"Is this where it hurts?" She asks once she is focused on one particular spot on my back.

"Yes. There. Well, not only there, but that seems to be where it's originated." I answer.

She continues to massage, and suddenly her hands are moving up my back. She pauses again likely when she noticed that I have no bra on, but once again she continues on. I can't even tell if my back is feeling better all I could think about was how turned on I was getting. I _must_ be really sexual frustrated. I am biting my lip trying not to moan, but occasionally I moan softly. Her hands are so soft.

"That feels…really…really…good" I slowly say. I know it comes out sort of orgasmic.

Suddenly she seems to have stopped massaging and is tracing her fingers down my back in one motion. My body responds immediately. My nipples harden. I feel myself getting wetter. I have to put a stop to this.

She does it for me and stops moving her hands suddenly.

"Sorry," She climbs off my bed. "I was…ugh…seeing if you're ticklish." She laughs. It sounds very much like a nervous laugh. My heart starts to race because I wonder just how sexual the sounds were that were coming out of my mouth. I hope things don't get weird between us.

"Well, I am." I turn over as she gets into her bed. "Thanks Quinn."

"How's your back feel?" She asks as she lays her head down.

"Much better." I can answer because I can finally tell that she really has helped me.

"I'm glad I could help. Good night Rachel." She says before turning to her side.

"Good night."

I lie there, not at all thinking about sleep. If possible, my life just became infinitely more impossible to deal with. Yes, the last two weeks have been incredibly confusing. I just couldn't understand why. I couldn't pinpoint it. Now, that I know, it only makes life more confusing for me.

I think I'm falling for my roommate.

* * *

**As always I beg for reviews. :) They seriously brighten my day!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thank you, Thank you, Thank you SO much reviewers and all those who are reading my story. I am so thrilled by the response. I have not been able to stop thinking about the story in my head. (although I am supposed to be writing a memo right now. Oops ) I'm sorry for the delay. I have been sick!**

**I'm feeling unsure about this chapter. Please let me know what you think. It's a pretty important one.  
**

**This Chapter takes place one week after the last one. There will once again be a few flashbacks of events leading up to this day. I hope this isn't confusing!**

SATURDAY

Quinn POV

Can she stop making me fall harder for her? That would make my life considerable easier.

I wake up to the smell of something delicious. I'm not sure what that smell is right away because the kitchen is just far enough.

I glance next to me and get confirmation of what I already know. Rachel is up and about. How is it that she was the one trashed last night, and she is up before me, being a productive human being?

I slowly make my way up from the bed. I know my hair must be a mess, but I don't bother to look in the mirror. For some reason Rachel loves when I come into the kitchen looking exhausted. She always gives me the biggest smiles on those days, and immediately tells me to sit, and that she'll bring me my coffee. I get it for myself anyway, but it makes me melt every time.

I honestly thought I had reached the limit. I really thought there couldn't possibly be a level of deeper love that I could reach. Then I had the genius idea of living with her, just in case there was a new level of torture that comes with unrequited love that I hadn't experienced quite yet in the past few years.

I am in the living room, and now know that she is making pancakes. At first I was resistant to vegan pancakes, unable to understand how they could be delicious without milk, but she has proven me wrong. Oh how she loves being right. I hear that she is singing, of course. Unlike most days, I know this song. I remember it from her old MySpace videos. She is singing "On my Own." How fitting that is for my current predicament.

I feel relief knowing that this day is starting like many others. I feel relief that nothing seems to have changed-yet.

I reach the kitchen and my breath is taken away, as all my senses are overwhelmed. I can't believe how amazing she sounds. No matter how many times I hear it, it doesn't matter. Chills.

My eyes are overwhelmed. She is cooking wearing only a towel that clings to the curves of her body and show off her gorgeous legs. Her hair is wet still and she is making me breakfast while she sings beautifully. Seriously, how much self control am I supposed to have?

Finally, she finishes her song, and I am taken away from my thoughts. Suddenly my nerves are driving me crazy. I am panicked that she'll remember last night. I'm afraid that today she knows exactly how I feel. She looks at me by looking over her shoulder and gives me a smile that is incredibly sexy.

"Good morning," she says "Did I wake you?"

I can only smile in response. "I love waking up to that smell and that voice." _And to your body_. I only think the last part of course.

She is no longer facing me, but I know she's smiling and likely blushing. I walk up to her and stand next to her.

"I hope you're in the mood for pancakes," She says as she finally looks up at me.

"I am in the mood for your pancakes." She laughs at this and beams in pride.

"Well you are in luck because they are finished." She takes the last pancake out of the pan "Go sit. I was looking forward to feeding you."

I smile and feel like I'm floating in my happiness as make my way to the table, "You really don't need to serve me. Also, I know my way around a kitchen. I would have been fine with making me own breakfast."

"Maybe I _like_ to serve you." She says as she brings a plate with three pancakes over and places it in front of me. "Besides I was up anyway."

"Of course you were." I say with chuckle. "I just didn't expect you up early considering the state you were in last night." I am almost nervous to bring it up. I am doing my best to act like my normal self although I know, very well, everything might have changed last night. My heart is racing in anticipation.

She blushes and looks down as she takes a seat closest to me with her own plate of pancakes. "I'm sorry about how outrageous my behavior was. I blacked out most of it. I do remember enough to know to be embarrassed."

I sigh in relief that she doesn't remember much. I'm not sure how to respond so I don't say anything at first. I know how much I struggled to control myself the previous night, and hope to soon forget it. Sensing that she's waiting for a response, I finally say "Don't be embarrassed. I just think you need to drink water and get more rest today."

"I'll consider it. I only woke up because Finn kept texting me. I don't know why he was up so early."

Of course, that's part of what I expected. It hurts sometimes. It hurts to be so close to her and not able to kiss her like I want to. It is painful to spend all of our time together, and then see her eyes drift to her phone because she is talking to the person who actually has her love in return. It's especially difficult to share so much with each other and then have to keep from her the one thing I'm always thinking about.

Then again, this is the best kind of pain there is. I'm not sure I would trade it in for anything. In high school, I had her memorized, as much as it was possible. I was unable not to pay attention to everything she said and did. I couldn't look away. I memorized the way her eyes would close; her head would slightly turn, when she hit a certain note. I memorized the way she would move, with almost a skip, to her seat, with so much joy, at the beginning of glee rehearsals, as she would put her hands on the back of her skirt, because it was so sinfully short, to avoid any "wardrobe malfunctions."

Now I'm in love with everything she does and everything she is, and I am sure, more than I was before, that I completely know what that means. I know exactly who she is at all times of day, and I can't get enough. I wish there were more hours in the day for me to be around her.

I even love the way she watches movies. This might sound strange but when she loves a movie, her eyes widen, she mouths the words, she sits up straight, and shakes her head slightly with a passion like every single word uttered is felt not by the character but by her as well.

I love the way she jolts out of bed in the morning with a smile on her face, like she can't wait for each day to start. I love the way she sings while she makes breakfast. It always starts softly, and yet eventually she is belting something beautiful. She now knows I love to hear her sing and, of course, can't stop giving me impromptu performances.

I love the way remembers everything. If we go to a restaurant and I absentmindedly say I love something, she is guaranteed to either try to make it for me, or bring it home for me. She found out I loved the pizza at this place on Bleeker Street. She then went on to bring that pizza home for me on four separate occasions. The funny thing is, I can't even remember the name of the place, and yet she has gone four times to get it for me. The restaurant is not even nearly on her way home. I didn't have the heart to tell her I was beginning to get sick of the pizza because I felt so loved each time.

I love her thoughtfulness. If she notices my shampoo start to run out, I will see a new bottle there before I even notice that I need to make a run to the drugstore.

"How'd you like the song I was singing? It's from the seminal Broadway classic, Les Mis." She asks as she looks up and smiles hopefully.

I take in her smile, her features, her everything, and say that only word that comes to my mind.

"Beautiful."

* * *

_MONDAY_

_On one of the rare days that Mercedes, Rachel, and I have a break around the same time we're eating lunch together by campus. It is a gorgeous day as the humidity in the city has finally seemed to have subsided over the last few days; we've decided to eat outside, although Mercedes is not thrilled with the idea. Nevertheless, here we are because even she is not immune to Rachel's pout. _

"_So, Kurt wanted to be there when I told you but I'm just too damn excited. A boy asked me out the other today." Mercedes says sounding confident and relieved all at once. _

_Rachel and I both look up in excitement. "That's wonderful Mercedes. I hope he is the type of man that appreciates your talents. Come to think of it, he probably hasn't heard you sing since you've decided to pursue Dentistry rather than singing, which, I respect as a profession. However, your talent is far too immense to ignore." _

_Mercedes and I laugh in response. "I appreciate that girl. Trust me. But I believe we were talking about boys."_

"_Right." Rachel bites her lip. Adorable. "Please continue."_

_Mercedes tells us about the guy from her Biology class that she has been sharing notes with and apparently a mutual attraction. Afterwards, Mercedes turns her attention towards me. _

"_When are you going to put yourself out there? If I can bag myself a fine man for a night out, why aren't you doing the same?"_

_I look at her. I'm, of course, uncomfortable with this line of questioning. I feel shame that I am in a city that I should so easily be myself in, and yet, here I sit, with my best friends, closeted. I can just tell them. I can go out and meet someone if I wanted to. I can be free. _

_The joke is, I'm not even ashamed. I am sure they would think a Christian girl like me (albeit a far less strict Christian than I once was) would run from this revelation. I won't lie. I once hated that part of myself. I wanted to run from my sexuality. Now, I've accepted it. I really have. It's just not easy to admit. I know everything changes when I say those words. There is part of it that which particularly scares me. I am more in the closet about my feelings for Rachel than even about my sexuality. I fear that somehow, once people discover my secret, they'll pay closer attention to the looks I give her, the attention she gets from me, and my inability to not smile whenever she is around. It's just too vulnerable of a position to put myself in. _

"_I don't know. How did this became about me?"_

"_Quinn seems to never want anything to be about her." Rachel says matter of factly to Mercedes. As much as Rachel loves to talk, she is constantly asking me questions and trying to learn more about me. Sometimes we end up staying up all night, just talking because she never seems to run out of questions. I keep reminding her that we have all year. _

"_Oh come on Quinn. No one has your attention out here?" Mercedes says almost pleading. I know her frustration comes from being my friend so long and never knowing who I have feelings for or even if I have feelings for anyone at all. I know part of her could tell that something was breaking my heart for the last two years. I also know it hurt her that I wouldn't confide in her. _

"_I didn't say that." Of course a certain tiny brunette has all my attention. I can't help but let my eyes drift to her for a moment. "I'm just content right now." At this moment I'm not sure if I am lying or not. I've become used to not having Rachel, and being around her, even as a friend, feels wonderful most of the time. _

"_I'm not. I want to fall in love." Mercedes says with a sigh. "I don't even know what that feels like."_

_I do know what this feels like. At least I know what it feels like to fall in love with someone from afar. Suddenly, I realize Rachel is looking down. She looks sad and I try to find an explanation for this. It hurts me, because I think this must mean she misses the person she loves. _

"_I completely understand why they use the expression, falling in love. It is like falling. It can take you by surprise. Before you know it, you're already on your way, hoping someone will catch you. If they don't, you know how painful it will be, but it's too late." Rachel says quietly, barely making eye contact with us as she plays with her salad. Her explanation takes my breath away because it exactly how I felt falling for her. It pains me to think that she has felt that same feeling for someone else. I almost don't want to hear any more. _

"_Is that what it felt like for you when you fell in love with Finn?" Mercedes asks. _

_I know what the answer will be, but I don't want to hear it. Rachel looks up and finally makes consistent eye contact with Mercedes. She swallows hard and she looks at me suddenly. Her face looks so full of words unspoken. I don't understand what she is saying with her eyes but she conveys so much emotion with them that I know they are trying to tell me something. I thought I knew every expression by now. The eye contact between us causes me to stop breathing for a moment. _

_She finally smiles at Mercedes and responds. "I suppose love is not always this way. You can love someone without that scary and passionate feeling of falling. That feeling I've described has only happened to me with one person." _

_Mercedes nods her head at this. I know Rachel has a way of making unreasonably long sentences, but it does surprise me that she doesn't clearly say yes to Mercedes' question. _

"_I think when you love someone it's very clear. You can't help but want to be in that person's presence. You want to touch, kiss, or even just look at this person at all times. Even if you can't have this person, you keep loving them, because you love everything sh.. he is." I can' believe I almost said she. I feel like I must be trying to give my secret away. I feel like my gender- neutral statements already must have been obvious enough. I don't even know why I decided to contribute to this conversation. It just came out. _

"_Quinn? When were you in love?" Rachel says softly. I look at them and realize both girls have wide eyes and need an explanation. I see hurt. They feel lied to. _

"_I…never said I was. I just…that's what I think love feels like…maybe." Wow. How articulate that was. "I suppose I'm just guessing." I finally say. I wish I go back the person I was a few weeks ago, who was perfectly content to hide her feelings. Rachel nods and, if possible, looks even sadder than she did before. Mercedes on the other hand won't take her eyes off of me. I smile at her. She smiles back but I am giving myself away. I know it. She is seeing me. _

"… _At all times" Rachel whispers to herself, repeating part of what I said about love. She seems to be having a conflict of her own in her mind._

"_What the heck happened during this lunch?" Mercedes asks glancing at both me and Rachel, taking in our gloomy expressions. _

_The truth is, I'm not sure I know either. _

* * *

SATURDAY

After I force Rachel to let me do the dishes, and after I've taken my own shower, I walk into the room and Rachel is lying on her bed in a tight tank top and tiny shorts. This is pretty much what she wears around the house all the time, and yet, I can't seem to keep myself from gasping.

"I just want to lounge around all day" she says, and she sounds childish in her statement. She sounds like I have many times when I didn't want to go to school as a child.

"Well, it's Saturday. You can lounge if you want to."

"I'll only do it if you do it with me." She moves over on her bed, clearly leaving room for me to join her. I hesitate but lie down knowing that it would seem odd to her if I refused.

She immediately turns her body to face me, and I lie on my back, feeling that it would be too vulnerable, too intimate, if I faced her as well.

"I lied to you before," she says, and I turn my head to look at her quickly. I have no idea what she could be referring to at first. Then I realize exactly what it means, and the comfort I felt earlier, still believing I was safe, is now gone. I hope I'm wrong so feign confusion.

"What-? She interrupts.

"I remember last night." She says finally.

* * *

_WEDNESDAY_

_I hope this is good. _

_My second class today was canceled, so I decided to start making use of the kitchen. I've never made an entirely vegan meal before, so I am trying to surprise Rachel. _

_I'm so pathetic. _

_It's nothing complex. I'm not an expert in the kitchen, so I'm making some rice and red beans, a salad, and a baked potato. I don't even know if all these things go together or not. At least I know she can eat them. _

_I set the table. Why do I feel like this is a date? This is wishful thinking of course. I sigh to myself and continue on. I hear her putting her keys in the door and my heart is racing. I'm not sure why my body is reacting this way. I hear her come in every single day. _

"_What smells so good?" Rachel comes in with a huge smile. _

_I don't answer. Instead I wait for her to figure it out. _

"_Are you expecting someone?" She asks softly noticing the table set. Usually we're much more casual than this, so I understand why she doesn't immediately know this is for her. _

"_Just you." I answer with a blush. I feel more self conscious knowing she thought I had planned this dinner for another person. She probably thought this was for a date. _

_She smiles and looks at our plates. She finally notices that I've made it completely vegan. She looks up and gives me one of the most appreciative, tender, and adoring smiles I've ever seen. I feel suddenly unable to form a coherent thought. _

"_I just thought…I figured I should start getting used to making food with your diet in mind. It's nothing really. I'm not a great cook." _

_Before I can continue to babble, Rachel comes over and gives me a hug. It's so close, so intimate. There is no room between us. I sigh at the feel of her body completely against mine, reminding me of that first night here when she hugged me while she was drunk. I think I need to cook for her every chance possible. _

_Much to my disappointment she pulls away. _

"_I can't believe you did this."_

_I laugh nervously. "We do things for each other all the time. You seem so surprised."_

"_No one has ever made me dinner before." She gives me that smile again. "The fact that you made a vegan meal, and are eating vegan _with_ me just reminds me of what I already know. You're just wonderful." I shake my head in response. "Don't shake your head. I mean it." _

_These are the type of words that are probably unhealthy for a person with feelings like mine. They give me hope when I probably have no business having any. There is just something that takes my breath away about the way she says it. _

_I know it all must be part of my hopeful mind playing tricks on me. My love for her is starting to make me crazy. Her behavior, her affection, her…looks, all of this can be explained by close friendship. We're best friends now. She is treating me like best friends do. I just can't help but feel like something changed. Something shifted. I'm not sure exactly when. _

_I must be wrong. _

_I am being silly and hopeful when I thought I learned long ago to stop hoping for her. I thought I accepted that my love for her would go unreturned. _

_Before I can respond, she speaks again. "I just cant believe I didn't know before."  
_

"_You know now at least," I tease._

"_I do," she pauses and looks into my eyes with a bright smile, "I know now without a doubt."_

* * *

SATURDAY

My heart is racing.

"I think we should talk about it." She finally says. I'm avoiding eye contact with her with all my power.

"I don't think I can." I sigh. I want to plead for her to let it go. I can't handle her rejection.

"I need to know." All I can do is nod in response. I understand why she needs to know.

She sighs before she speaks again, as if she doesn't want the answer to the question she is about to ask me.

"Do you love him?"

Wait.

"What?"

_

* * *

_

_FRIDAY (**LAST NIGHT**)_

"_So where is Rachel, exactly?" Kurt asks as puts his fork down. Mercedes, Kurt, and I ordered Chinese food and are sitting around their kitchen table in our pajamas. There is a thunder storm outside, and it makes me glad to be indoors. _

"_All her theater friends are going out tonight. Apparently there is a bar a few blocks from school that has a very liberal ID policy." I answer, before taking a bite of pork fried rice._

"_I'm shocked you're not with her. I thought you two were a package deal these days." Kurt says with a smile._

"_Oh, like either of you should talk." I say as I toss a fortune cookie at him. _

"_She has a point," Mercedes adds. _

"_Speaking of together all the time,, I have to ask, what do you two for privacy."Kurt says with a devilish look. _

"_Close the door? Change in the bathroom. Things like that, although she seems to change with the door open all the time."_

"_I meant when you need a little, y'know, privacy." He emphasizes the last word to let me know that we're talking about sex, or more specifically, masturbating. _

_I immediately start blushing. "Oh my God, Kurt. Did you really just ask that?" Mercedes asks while shaking her head at her best friend. _

"_I do not want to answer that." I say while I cover my face in complete embarrassment. _

_The truth I am turned on close to every second now. Rachel is always strutting around the house, in tight and very short things. I'm not complaining. She also gets more affectionate as we get closer. I have to fight the urge not to pounce on her. Not to mention, that massage I gave her last week. Hearing her moan just makes my sexual fantasies of her more vivid. I do need "private" time when Rachel is not around, because otherwise I might just erupt. _

"_At least Kurt and I have been trying to get some since we've been out here. Rachel at least has an excuse; her boyfriend is hundreds of miles away." Mercedes adds. Why are they so interested in what I do in private? This is both embarrassing and at least slightly creepy. _

"_Not that she was getting laid much before she got here." Kurt says and then covers his mouth. "Oops." _

"_Wait. Who? Rachel?" Mercedes sounds almost too excited. She is shameless in her love of gossip. I must admit, my interest is peaked as well although I feel bad gossiping about Rachel. _

"_Let's just say in the last 6 months or so, Finn and Rachel spent a lot less time with the door closed." Kurt says in a whisper, as if Rachel will walk in at any moment. _

"_Trouble in paradise for Glee's favorite couple?" Mercedes asks. I feel especially guilty now, but I admit I take a particular interest in the answer. _

"_They seemed to be doing fine for the most part. They got along. They said their "I love yous.. However, it seemed the fire might have burned out a little." _

"_How can you be so sure?" I ask. I need to know if this is true, even more than I want to admit to myself. _

"_I don't know. Just from observation." _

"_When it's a close friend, when you really let yourself pay attention, you can tell what they feel," Mercedes adds and then looks at me knowingly. A little too knowingly. I fear she is telling me she has figured out my secret and my heart is racing. _

"_If it's okay with you guys, I think I'm going to call it a night." They both look at one another. Kurt looks confused and Mercedes just shakes her head. _

_After finally getting them to quit trying to convince me to stay, I go over to my apartment and just lie on the couch. I don't even know how reliable Kurt's comments about Rachel's sex life were. I shouldn't give him too much credit. They are still together. They still seem to talk daily. If she didn't love him, wouldn't she have broken up with him by now? She did say she was realistic. We've been here three weeks and she hasn't mentioned an impending break up._

_I hear someone struggling to open the door. _

"_Rach?" I call out. I assume it's her, but you never know. _

"_I can't seem to figure out how to put the key in the door at the moment." I hear from the other side. She is definitely drunk. _

_I open the door, and I see Rachel, completely soaked, with her purse, and a broken umbrella in her left hand. She thanks me and brushes past me. She immediately takes off her wet shoes and faces me. _

_I then get a real look at her. Her hair and clothes are drenched. She is so wet, it looks like she went swimming and she is shivering uncontrollably. _

"_Oh my God Rachel. You have to get out of those clothes. I'll make you some hot chocolate or something."_

"_Thank you, Quinn. You're so sweet. But I don't want hot chocolate," She smiles at me and looks just about as drunk as she did the first night in New York. _

_Right in the living room, she pulls her soaking wet top off. I gasp, because of how suddenly she is half dressed. Her bra is similarly wet. Her nipples are hard, and I can see just about everything. Oh God. I wish so desperately I could do something about the aching, this longing, this need to touch her. I lick my lips without immediately realizing it. _

"_Rachel, Umm…Why don't you change in the room?" Please, I think. _

"_You told me to get out of my clothes," she answers with certainty. She is right. I walk into our room and reach in the closet to grab our one spare blanket that we tend to use while watching movies. By the time I walk into the living room she has taken off her skirt. She is now in wet panties and a wet bra. Is this a test? _

"_Rachel, please take this blanket. Get warm, and please, for the love of God, cover up," I say while I hold the blanket out and try to avert my eyes. I am failing miserably. _

_She takes the blanket and puts it around herself with a pout on her face. She makes her way to the room and instead of lying on her bed, she lies on mine. _

"_I want to be in your bed tonight." She says._

"_Okay." I walk towards her bed. "We'll switch then. Just for the night."_

"_No. I want to be in your bed with you. You can warm me up." I remember how unaware she was of the sexual things she was doing on our first night here, and presume she is similarly oblivious. _

"_I..can't do that." I sigh. I know I can't handle being in bed with her. One, she is undressed. Two, she is drunk. And three, I am desperately wanting to put my tongue all over her body. These are pretty giant red flags. _

"_Why?" she asks. And she is pouting again. _

"_The answer to that is too complicated," I admit. _

"_Why don't you tell me things? I want to be close to you, but how can I be if you won't let me know you?" She sits up as she says this, and once again she isn't covered. Luckily it seems she has warmed up considerably. _

"_Get dressed, okay? Put something on. Anything." I need her to be wearing clothes. I just grab one of my own t-shirts and toss it to her. She puts it on and looks so hurt that I want to make it better so badly. I just can't. I am losing control very quickly. _

"_I'm sorry." She finally says. _

"_Why?"_

"_Because I'm obviously making you uncomfortable. I should know you wouldn't want to see my body all uncovered." She says softly with a smile, that I don't believe she means. _

_I laugh lightly because she couldn't be more wrong. She, of course, is making me uncomfortable, but only because I want to see her body too badly. I silently give in and sit on my bed next to her. She smiles brightly at the gesture. _

"_I'm not uncomfortable." I lie. _

_She turns to her side and starts running her fingers through my hair. It feels incredible. I realize that no one has done this to me before. My eyes start closing in the bliss that I'm feeling. _

"_Your hair is so beautiful." I smile, all the while keeping my eyes closed. This has to be a test. _

"_Thank you. Although your hair is much more beautiful." I say. _

_She stops playing with my hair and brings her hand down to my left arm and starts gliding her fingers up and down my arm. It feels incredibly intimate. Very sexy. I immediately get goose bumps. I wonder if she has any clue what she is doing to me. I also wonder what her hands are capable of in other places. My head goes to dirty places very easily when I am around her. _

_She suddenly stops and just stares. I know she is ready to say something but seems to be figuring out what to say. _

"_You've been in love. I know it. I could tell by what you said earlier this week." This I wasn't expecting. Not now. _

"_I was hypothesizing" I say hopefully. I should have known this stayed on her mind. I was too obvious. _

"_You weren't." She answers with that same sad look I saw at the restaurant on Monday. "You were not guessing. You've been in love" _

"_Rachel, I can't." This is all I manage to say. _

"_Why can't you?"_

"_Please, just go to sleep."I beg her. _

"_Quinn, I need to know." She pleads_

"_You don't want to know. Trust me." I finally say and I am fighting back the sudden urge I have to cry. These are all feelings I have never said out loud. I am overwhelmed. _

_She opens her mouth to protest and then bites her lip. She looks defeated. She nods slowly. "Maybe I don't." She turns her back and remains silent. She is going to sleep. _

_I lie down, facing the other direction, fighting the urge to put my arms around her. I feel horrible. I can't know for certain what this exchange will mean in the morning. _

"_I'm sorry, Rachel." I whisper before closing my eyes. _

* * *

SATURDAY

"Do you love him?" The question hangs in the air while I attempt to recover.

"Do I love who?" I ask dumbfounded. I already know she is wrong for obvious reasons.

She looks down. She doesn't want to say it. She doesn't want to say the name on the tip of her tongue. "Finn."

"Rachel, I do not love Finn," I saw immediately.

"Quinn, I know you probably think I'd freak out, but I won't. I promise. I figured it out. You practically admitted to wanting someone who was not interested in you. While drunk a couple of weeks ago, you mentioned thinking someone fell for me during my Sectionals performance, sophomore year. You also haven't dated anyone since him. Furthermore when you defined love, you specifically brought up loving someone you couldn't have. Not to mention, last night, you practically told me. You told me I wouldn't want to know." Her voice is shaking. I see tears forming in her eyes. I want more than anything to make her feel at ease.

I feel completely off balance. I can't believe this is my life right now. The one I love is afraid I love her boyfriend. Now the only way I can assure her that I don't love her boyfriend is by telling her that I was actually talking about her the whole time. This seems like a cruel joke.

I see how much she is trying to keep it together. Her tone has no anger whatsoever. I actually think she is trying to comfort me. She just sounds scared. I sit up straighter, preparing myself for what is coming. I put my hand on hers, in a move I hope is comforting.

"Rachel, I promise you I don't love Finn. I wasn't in love with him sophomore year. I'm not in love with him now." I say with a tone of certainty I know she couldn't possible doubt. I hold eye contact with her. I need her to know that despite my evasive answers for the last few years, I am not lying to her now.

She smiles immediately. I can see the relief spread throughout her entire body. It only makes my heart pound harder because I don't expect her to drop this topic. I know she'll want an explanation. I also know that I no longer have it in me to lie to her.

"You don't love Finn." She confirms with a nod. She turns her body and leans her back on the wall behind her. She is completely facing me now. I am trying to think of ways to change the subject but I know her enough to know that is nearly impossible.

"I have no feelings for him. _No_ attraction." I emphasize. "If I did, I would _never_ have done anything to hurt you."

"That didn't even cross my mind."

I sit up higher, meeting her position. I look in her eyes, attempting to look into her. This just doesn't make sense to me. She was practically crying at the thought of my feelings for Finn. Now she says she never feared I'd act on them.

"I just don' t know if I could have handled you loving him," She says softly in response to my quizzical stare. It's so soft that if there was any other noise in the room, I wouldn't have heard her.

I nod. I understand now. She's made it clear how attached she has become to our friendship. This development would have made things…awkward to say the least. Little does she know the truth will probably make our living situation more awkward.

She sighs "Are you going to make me ask it."

"I think I am," I look at her. For some reason, I think I'm no longer afraid of her knowing. I know I couldn't keep this secret forever. It's already been far too long.

This is the first time we've conversed with this much awkwardness and silence. She must be trying to find the courage to ask what can be the only other logical question after learning it wasn't Finn I was referring to.

"First, am I right? Have you been in love?"

"Yes," I don't avoid eye contact. If she's going to know how I feel, I'm going to say it while I look into her eyes. This, of course, won't be how I've always imagined it (that would require her to kiss me passionately before she declares her love for me first; this would happen either before or immediately following some mind blowing sex).

"Are you…Are you still in love?"

"I am in love. Yes."

She sits up and goes on her knees. She's closing the space between us now and my heart is officially racing so fast it seems like it is trying to make its way out of my body.

"I keep running through it all in my head. I tried to put all the pieces together. I just…I can't be right." She bits her lip and just stares in my eyes. Here it comes. "It can't be true." I feel like she's coming closer to me. The gap between us keeps getting smaller. I now feel my whole body shaking. It feels like no person has ever been this close to me, which of course isn't true, because there is still about ten inches between us.

" Ask me."

"Who are you in love with?"

I can't believe I am about to say it. Can I even say it?

Just as I think my truth will finally be said, we hear a key through our front door. Both Rachel and I are taken out of that moment that seemed so pivotal. I know this moment was going to change my life one way or another, and I feel cheated.

Rachel gets off the bed cautiously and I follow. We hear the front door open.

"Who is there?" Rachel calls out.

"It's me Kurt. Come out here. I have a surprise for you." He shouts.

She walks out of the bedroom seconds before I do. Before I even know what is happening, I hear Rachel say his name.

"Finn?"

* * *

**Please read and review. Next chapter is going to be very important for our girls!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews! They were wonderful, funny and fun to read. They made me very happy. I've never seen so many profanities in reviews before. Lol. I know many of you are frustrated by Finn and wanted to kill me after the last chapter, but I truly thought it needed to happen the way it did. Let me know if you are smiling a little more after this chapter! **

**A/N2: This chapter will be the first that alternates between points of view. I think we need to see how both girls are dealing with Finn showing up! **

**Rachel POV**

"It can't be true." I say, because I can't believe. I must have it wrong.

"_Did you want anyone that wasn't interested?"_

"_Maybe."_

"_I wonder how many people fell in love with you during this performance."_

"_I just never told you."_

"_Oh come on Quinn. No one has your attention out here?"_

"_I didn't say that."_

"_Even if you can't have this person, you keep loving them, because you love everything sh.. he is."_

"_No. I want to be in your bed with you. You can warm me up."_

"_I...can't do that."_

"_Why?"_

"_The answer to that is too complicated."_

"_Quinn, I need to know." _

"_You don't want to know. Trust me."_

Has she been telling me the whole time? Have I been too blind? Have I been far too adamant in my belief that Quinn must be straight and that she'd never develop feelings for me to see the truth?

"Ask me" She says without fear. No worry. She sounds certain. This is a far cry from how she sounded last night and it only makes me more nervous.

I almost can't even say the words. All the evidence is glaring at me. I keep going over it all in my head again trying to determine if I am misreading this. She can't possibly... can she?

My heart is racing as I look into her eyes, and I long to get just a little closer. I know that I'm desperate to kiss her at this moment, more so than I've ever been. I feel like there is a gravitational pull, where she is the center of my entire existence, forcing me nearer. I realize, more than anything that I want this answer to be "you."

I realize I want _her_ more than anything.

"Who do you love?" I ask unsure of what I will do when she responds. If she loves me what do I do? I'm still in a relationship. Should I or can I possibly keep from telling her how I feel?

If she says someone else's name, can I move on? She looks into my eyes, and my breath is taken away, as I struggle to maintain my clarity, and I know the answer. No, no I can't. I need to hear the answer either way.

Then I hear- something coming from the other room. It sounds like keys coming in through the front door. I know Kurt and Mercedes still have our spare keys but they don't usually use them without at least letting us know beforehand. The door opens and unfortunately my attention has to be taken away from Quinn. It's more than a little frightening to hear someone walking into our apartment unannounced.

"Who is it?" I shout, completely frustrated and partially alarmed.

Finally I sigh and reluctantly begin to get up, when I hear Kurt announcing himself.

"It's me Kurt. Come out here. I have a surprise for you." He shouts.

A surprise? There isn't a single surprise I am interested in right now.

I walk into the living room with Quinn closely behind me.

There he is: my wake up call, my reality, my boyfriend. He is standing in my living room unknowingly reminding me of all I have been stepping further away from daily.

"Finn?"

He runs towards me and pulls me into his arms and lifts me into a giant hug. It feels so familiar and comfortable. Interestingly he feels abnormally large in this moment. I've dated him for 2 years. Has he always been this freakishly large?

He kisses me quickly and hugs me again even tighter spinning me in a circle. That feeling of familiarity calms me down. I didn't know he was coming, and I didn't quite appreciate the moment he came, but it had to happen. I knew I wanted this; I wanted to know how I could reconcile my feelings for both of them. I needed an answer. I needed to know if I've really fallen out of love.

"I missed you Rach."

"I can't believe you're here." I whisper to him.

It feels wonderful at first. I'm so happy to see Finn. I can't believe I haven't seen him and have barely heard his voice in 3 weeks. That happiness very quickly subsides when I feel it or, more accurately, when I realize what I'm feeling. It's not excitement. I don't feel my heart leap at the sight of him. I don't feel my knees weaken when he put his arms around me. I don't long for our embrace to last. I don't wish he'd keep kissing me until we'd run out of breath. I don't desire his touch.

I don't love him.

The truth hits me so hard that tears fill my eyes. I can't remember the last time I was in love with him. I only realize now that it hasn't been for a very long time.

I've knew this in some capacity since I realized how I felt about Quinn. My feelings for her were and are so intense and disorienting that I feel overwhelmed in the unfamiliarity of it. I realized quickly I never felt that before. Never. I've fallen for her, harder and faster than I thought possible.

I love her.

Still, to face Finn in person, knowing, for sure now, that I'm not in love with him, and that I've fallen in love with someone else makes me feel low. He doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve to have driven 10 hours to be hurt. I feel dread knowing it is inevitable. It is necessary. I must do it with or without Quinn confirming her own (suspected) feelings for me.

Kurt clears his throat and Finn and I turn towards him. Finn keeps his arm around me.

"I think it's time for me to go back to my apartment." Kurt says with a smile, clearly thinking Finn and I are having a lovely reunion that he's helped make happen.

"I should... I'll just go with him." Quinn says and I look at her. This is the first time our eyes have met since we left the bedroom, since our conversation was interrupted. She looks wounded and it hurts to think I've done this to her. She smiles at me but it's a lie, although I'm not sure which one of use she is trying to lie to.

"You should sleep over Quinn. I'm sure they have some catching up to do." Kurt says and winks at Finn. I can't see how Finn reacts to this because he's really tall. He seriously seems enormous.

Quinn stands straighter and nods. Suddenly she looks completely unaffected. She looks detached.

"That's not necessary." I say although I don't know how to make her stay. I know that she won't.

"No. He's right. I'm sure you two want to spend some time together." Quinn says without looking at me. She only looks at Finn. "Nice to see you Finn."

"You too" Finn responds.

On that note, they leave. I look at Finn and sigh.

This won't be easy.

* * *

**Quinn POV**

I need to get away from them.

We walk into the apartment and I haven't even so much as looked at Kurt. I brush passed Mercedes and plop myself onto the couch and lie down and cover my face with a pillow. I couldn't care less how it looks; I don't care if they know my heart is broken. It is broken! I have gone through too much emotional turmoil in the last 20 minutes to attempt to hide it any longer than those few minutes I just had to endure. I want to be alone, but there is nowhere to be alone while I'm here. I can't even go for a walk because I walked up here in my damn slippers. I want to forget this day.

I almost confessed my love for her. I _needed_ that moment. I have held onto this love for too long. I can't take it.

"Quinn?" Mercedes asks softly. I ignore her. I don't even want to try to speak. I'm annoyed that they're here, even though I'm in their apartment.

Reality has hit. How the hell did I watch that in high school for two years? I never knew misery like that moment watching them hug and kiss. I watched him do what I can't do. I see him have what I won't ever have.

"What is going on?" Kurt asks. I can tell he is talking to Mercedes and not me. Good.

"Did something happen?" Mercedes asks me, ignoring Kurt.

"Unless something has crawled up her ass on the way up one flight of stairs, I'm pretty sure nothing happened."

"Kurt. Shut up! Please." Mercedes says impatiently.

"Why am I completely lost right now? Is she pissed at me?" Kurt says sounding suddenly more concerned.

"Quinn, I didn't know he was coming until the last second. I should have warned you." Mercedes says softly while she grabs my hand to comfort me. It doesn't work at all. At least she has confirmed that she knows exactly what this is about. It does make me feel less alone.

"Who? Finn? Okay I definitely missed something."

"Ugh... Okay enough." I take the pillow off my face. "I'm fine." I practically shout so I know this isn't going to do much to convince them. I just stare at the ceiling because I don't want to feel the scrutiny from their eyes. They both stay silent and stare at me. I can't see it, but I know it.

"You can talk to us" Mercedes says, and this would probably reassure me if my mind wasn't too busy using ever bit of self control I have left to keep myself relatively composed. No tears. Please no tears.

"What am I supposed to say? That I am pathetic? I don't want you to sit here and pity me. That's part of why I wouldn't tell you." I sit up. "I need to go for a walk, but I can't even get my damn shoes because they're probably…. UGH!" I feel my eyes start to water. "Fuck!" I yell in frustration.

I finally look at them and I see Kurt's eyes wide open. Mercedes looks equally shocked. They aren't used to me being such a mess. I feel so incredibly naked in this moment, but I also realize I've rarely ever been this open with anyone before.

"Quinn, you need to let us in." Mercedes whispers.

Suddenly my tears are falling down my cheeks and I feel embarrassed at first. Then Kurt and Mercedes sit on both sides of me and hug me. Although I feel kind of like the cream of an Oreo, it's sweet.

I take a deep breath and feel how shaky these breaths are. Although, I haven't officially admitted anything yet, I already feel freer. This does little to change my current situation, but at least someone knows.

Kurt lifts his head. "In the interest of not being completely lost, Quinn is secretly in love with Finn or secretly in love with Rachel?"

"Why does _everyone_ think I love Finn?" I say annoyed.

"Wait. What? You love Rachel? I was sort of joking when I asked." Kurt says stunned. He quickly turns his attention to Mercedes. "How did you know this and not tell me?"

"Kurt, let's not make this about you." Mercedes says.

"Right. Quinn, tell us more about your secret lesbianism. I know a thing or two about hopeless love for a straight person."

I don't know if I want to have this conversation or not. All I know is that I can't stop thinking about Rachel downstairs. It's agony.

"I love her," I whisper. I suddenly realize that I've never said the words out loud before. "And she…loves him."

These stupid tears are persistent. Kurt and Mercedes look at each other in complete silence. They have this way of communicating where it seems almost telepathic.

"Since when?" Mercedes whispers.

I shake my head. "Since…sophomore year," I wince feeling the embarrassment of this confession.

"That must have been hard." Mercedes says while she strokes my back.

"And here I was, thinking it started when she stopped dressing like a toddler." Kurt jokes.

I try to smile, but it just takes too much effort. "I can't do it. I can't watch them together. Just one minute in there…"

"You don't know for sure that she doesn't feel anything for you." Mercedes says as she strokes my hand. "You never know. We didn't know about _your_ feelings. I know it took me forever to realize. Shit, I only really figured it out this week"

I shake my head. I know she is trying to make me feel better, but it is dangerous for me to think this way. I started to convince myself that she might have feelings for me, only to see her with tears in her eyes while hugged Finn.

"It doesn't matter. She's with him, isn't she?"

* * *

**Rachel POV**

I'm stalling.

I know what he wants to do, but I'm prolonging that. I show him around the apartment, although there isn't much to see. We walk into the bedroom and I point to Quinn's bed and then my own.

"There's the grand tour. Now you have a better idea of where I spend most of my time, when I'm not meticulously working on my career."

Finn smiles and sits on my bed. I sigh, and try to think of something, anything else we can do. I'm being a coward and I don't know how not to be. I honestly wish I could talk to Quinn about this right now.

"So…what do you want to do?" he says with a smirk.

"You know, I'm not sure you've ever had the opportunity to explore the city. Perhaps we can go to the Empire State Building. We can go to Times Square if you'd like. Maybe we can see if the others want to come along." I'm pacing back and forth in the small space between our beds. He grabs my hand to stop me.

Finn gently pulls me closer to him. He kisses me tenderly at first, and then I feel him attempting to make the kiss more passionate. I feel him try to put his tongue in my mouth. I feel his hands start to explore. It feels…awful. Despite our history, despite our past experiences, I can't do this. I'm not sure I can do this for another second. I pull away and stop his hands with my own.

"I'm sorry," I say. I look down at first, afraid to see the hurt.

"Oh." He says and then, "Oh! It's cool. It sucks but you can't help it."

I look at his eyes, taken aback. He clearly is making an erroneous assumption. I assume he thinks it must be that time of the month. I open my mouth to refute, but find myself nodding instead. "It is…unfortunate."

"So, I'm starving. Got anything to eat?" Finn says as he stands up.

When is the right time to break someone's heart? After feeding them?

I am reheating the pancakes I made earlier for Quinn. How has my life changed so drastically since this morning when I first made these? I woke up convinced that Quinn loved Finn. I was sure of it. It broke my heart thinking that she loved someone else. I thought she was in love with my boyfriend and I was jealous of _him_. It sounds ridiculous. You know what is even more ridiculous? I felt horrible believing that I had kept her from the person she loved for so long and had unknowingly been hurting her for years.

Finn and I are telling each other about our weeks but I am distracted to the point where I forget what I'm talking about mid sentence. Never mind the fact I am leaving out a significant amount of detail. He doesn't even seem to realize this of course. I'm pretty sure he just pretends to listen to me. Obviously he's not very good at pretending.

Spending time with him isn't exactly awful; I just find it hard to believe that I'm looking across the table at my boyfriend. We don't fit. We just don't. It was much simpler to talk to him while he was in Ohio and lie to him from far away; I was lying to myself at the same time. I don't have it in me anymore. I can't walk down the street of New York holding his hand. I do care about him and that's how I know I can't do this. It's just terrifying because it's not easy to let him go from my life. We've been through so much together and I don't even know if he'll want to talk to me afterwards. I might completely lose him. k

After he finishes eating we go into the living room and he just looks around without much of an expression at all. He starts walking around looking at pictures Quinn and I had added to the room since we've moved in. There are a lot of the two of us and some with Mercedes or Kurt also. He lifts one of me alone. This was one taken last week when I was looking out the window. Quinn had taken it without my knowing. The funny part was that I was thinking about her at that moment.

He doesn't look angry but he's not smiling. He's not usually someone that is difficult to read. Everything he thinks and feels is usually right at the surface. Now, though he is looking into my eyes and I can't read him at all. I feel like he is trying to figure out what is going on with me. I must be acting very different than I did that last day in Lima. I haven't seen him in over three weeks and I haven't even said "I love you." He must notice this. It must hurt.

Suddenly he smiles. I've seen this smile plenty of times but there is sadness behind it that I'm not used to. It reminds me of that smile he had on his face the day I left for New York. "It was really great to see you Rach."

_Was_? I furrow my brows. I look at him, remembering that he wasn't carrying an overnight bag. He isn't staying. He never was planning on it.

"I missed you. I probably will for a long time." His smile starts to fade. "I just needed to see you."

I nod slowly. I'm unsure if he wants to do this on his own or if he wants me to speak. I feel like a coward waiting for him to do what I meant to. "Finn…"

"Rach, I know this is the end." He says. I can see him fighting to keep his composure. He sounds hurt but certain. "I am only saying it before you do."

"I..," I can't argue because I know it too. "I'm sorry." I look into his eyes.

"I came because, I had to know," He continues.

"Had to know?"

"If you still loved me." I look down feeling the same overwhelming guilt I have been feeling for weeks.

"Finn." I sigh. "I'm sorry," and I start tearing because it's hard to confess. "I don't."

He nods slowly and starts to avoid eye contact with me and looks around the room. "I knew it was the end weeks ago. Maybe even months ago. I knew when you were leaving for New York that it was really over. I just hoped maybe I was wrong."

"Finn, it is hard to say this, but I know you deserve answers. I think things have been 'not right' between us for much longer than we both realized. Perhaps being away from each other helped me finally recognize this. I did miss you. I am so glad you're here. But…"

He looks at me again. "Rach, you don't have to explain it all. I felt things change. I'm not saying things haven't changed for me too, but, something really changed over the last, like, two weeks. Did you…meet someone?" He looks at me. I'm not sure he wants to know the answer to this.

"Does that matter?"

"Just tell me. Let's be honest with each other."

I meet his eyes and know he is serious. I have nothing to lose. I nod. "I have developed feelings for someone," I say for the first time out loud.

He drops his head. "I knew it. I just knew it."

"I didn't mean to." I say truthfully.

"It's okay. I asked. It just kinda hurts." He looks at me again. "For the sake of being honest, I haven't been, y'know, the best boyfriend since I've been away at school." He averts his eyes in guilt.

"I'd prefer we didn't go down that path. Maybe in the middle of a break-up complete honesty isn't necessary. Let's end this as civilly as possible."

He bites his cheek and nods in relief. He hugs me, and it's different than all our previous hugs. It's the last one.

"Finn, I really am sorry this happened between us. I believe it doesn't diminish all we had together though. I hope you feel the same way." I feel his head nod in agreement.

"It really sucks right now, but I really do want you to be happy." He lets me go. "With whoever will make you happy."

I smile at him thankfully. This is more than I could have asked for.

"Goodbye Finn"

* * *

**Quinn POV**

I feel like I've spent the last hour pacing back and forth. It keeps me from throwing things or punching things like I want to, although I know it wouldn't help at all. I haven't cried for a while, but I can feel that my eyes are still puffy. Rachel and Finn being together downstairs makes it almost impossible to think of anything else. All Mercedes' and Kurt's efforts to distract me, failed miserably.

Now, Mercedes is asleep on the couch. I convinced her to fall asleep by pretending I was going to take a nap as well. I just didn't want to talk about it anymore, and I didn't want them to feel guilty anymore for not being able to stop the hurt. Kurt walks into the living room with his phone in his hand. He looks concerned, and it worries me.

"Finn is stopping up here." He says quietly so Mercedes won't wake up, although it doesn't matter because her eyes flutter open.

"Why?" Mercedes asks.

Kurt just looks at both of us and shrugs. "I don't know. He didn't say."

Kurt opens the door, waiting for Finn to walk up. Finn walks in, looking slightly disheveled. I notice that Rachel didn't come upstairs with him. I'm not sure what this means, or if it means anything at all, but I'm not sure I have it in me to think too hard about it. I've felt enough emotions for one day.

"Hey guys. I just wanted to say bye." Finn says, as he looks from person to person.

"You're leaving already?" Mercedes says sounding just about as shocked as I feel.

"Yeah. It's a long drive. I just came by to…Anyway, It was nice seeing you guys," From behind him, Kurt looks at me. I can't think of a reason for a Finn to drive over 10 hours just to see Rachel for even less time. He's only been here for a few hours.

I want to ask if something happened, but I am at a loss of words. I don't know if I'm supposed to hope that something did happen or didn't happen between them. Selfishly, I hope he is really leaving. Though. I also want to kill him if he broke her heart. I'm a complicated girl.

I know it must be written all over my face, because suddenly Finn's eyes lock into mine. His eyebrows slightly rise, as if something occurs to him. "You should…go downstairs. Talk to Rach," Finn says with no other explanation and then he's gone.

Kurt, Mercedes, and I exchange looks. "Do you think they broke up?" Mercedes asks.

"It sure didn't seem like that was where they were headed a couple of hours ago," Kurt says sharing in our confusion. "Well you heard him Quinn; Go downstairs."

My heart is pounding as I go down the steps, because I have no idea what to expect. I open the door to find Rachel sitting on the chaise. She turns to me and smiles gently.

"Finn just came upstairs to say bye," I say, which I admit it a pretty lame way to start the conversation. I suppose it would have been better to ease her into this conversation about him.

"I know," is all she says in return.

I walk towards her and sit on the couch next to her. "He wasn't here long," I am prying because I don't want to make any assumptions about the state of their relationship, but I want to know desperately.

"No. He had to get back to Columbus. We just…really needed to see each other," she says and the wounds I feel just keep getting deeper.

"Oh."

She pauses. It feels painfully long, although the silence only lasts a few seconds. "We broke up."

My head shoots up. I sit closer to her. "Are you okay?"

She does a quick nod. "I am."

"What happened?" She hadn't indicated to me that this was where they were headed. I keep thinking about their reunion I witnessed only a few hours ago. Immediately I suspect that he did something sleazy. I just don't see how anyone would be willing to hurt her; I can't imagine that he would choose to be with another girl when he could have her.

"I'm not in love with him anymore." Suddenly, I feel like the wind is knocked out of me.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I start to stroke her hair lightly. I'm not sure if it's wrong to be comforting her while I am doing multiple happy dances in my head. She lays her head on my shoulder, like she does often.

"I just needed to end it. I'm really okay." She says with a sigh. Suddenly, I feel her smile. "His timing today, when he showed up, it was pretty inconvenient, right?"

My heart starts racing again. "What…What do you mean?"

"You were about to answer a question I believe, when Finn showed up. I'm really anxious to hear the answer to that."

"We really don't have to talk about this right now," I say. I don't feel right springing this on her now. I'm not sure she wants to hear that I love her right after breaking up with her boyfriend. I am ready for her to know, but is she _ready_ to know?

She giggles. "This is _exactly_ what I want to talk about."

"We'll get to that," I gulp, knowing, once again I don't have any way out of this conversation. I wanted to say the words before but now I'm not sure it feels right. "When did you know you didn't love Finn anymore?"

"We really don't have to talk about this right now," she says seriously and then laughs teasing me. "I've known for awhile. Today only further confirmed that something was missing. Surely you noticed that I don't talk about him that much. Really, I didn't miss him much. And…it's been a long time since I've felt a real passion for him. "

"I had no idea."

She takes her head off my shoulder and sits up. She takes a deep breath. I wait. "I also realized it because I fell in love with someone else."

All I can feel in this moment are my own heart palpitations. I feel like I must suddenly be delusional. I just look at her, waiting for her to add something, anything that would offer another explanation. My mouth opens to speak but nothing comes out. I feel Rachel close the distance between us and press her lips to mine. Her lips are the softest thing I've ever felt. She kisses me so gently, with her lips massaging mine, her bottom lip finding its way between mine.

This feeling exceeds any feeling, any emotion, any moment of happiness I've had in my entire life yet. I think it must be a dream, like so many dreams I've had before, but I know it's not. This feels better than those. By far.

She _kissed_ me. She is kissing me. She is telling me what I couldn't tell her for years.

She loves me.

* * *

**:D Let me know what you think. It's Faberry time! **


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I'm SO SO SO sorry this is so late. I wrote something I loved and somehow it all deleted. I was heartbroken! I felt too frustrated to write, but then I read your reviews (and pleas) and became motivated again. This is my second attempt at this chapter, so please tell me what you think. THANK YOU once again to those who are reading, reviewing, subscribing, and favoriting this story. You guys are amazing! The reviews make my day and made a very tough few weeks much more tolerable! I love you guys! : ) **

**It pains me to say, that this is probably the end of this particular story. **

**A/N2: I tried to go for a blend of romantic and…well… smutty…haha. Please review because this is my first time! haha **

**Rachel POV**

Everything is different about this kiss. Everything is different _because_ of this kiss.

First of all there truly are butterflies fluttering all throughout my body. There is not a single inch of my skin that isn't affected by them. I never felt such a jolt throughout my body at the feel of another person's lips. I feel like I will eventually fly away. My knees felt so weak that I'm not sure if I would have managed to stand at all if we weren't on the couch. Her hands make their way from my arms to my face to my hair. Every part of my body feels envy for the parts being touched. It all felt so different than anything I've ever felt in one kiss.

I'm amazed that I found the courage to kiss her at all but I knew that I couldn't wait any longer. I've never been the most patient, and even one more day without feeling her lips sounded ridiculous to me. Another minute didn't cut it either. With Finn's unexpected arrival and then our subsequent breakup I figured Quinn wouldn't be making the move for awhile, if ever, without my encouragement. When she walked into the apartment, my love for her consumed me, and I needed her to know how I felt as soon as possible. I had to tell; I _had_ to kiss her. Just like that, she confirmed what I suspected. She returned the kiss. Quinn told me what I hoped I already knew. I was the one she was referring to all along.

Quinn's hands continue guide their way up my arms to my neck to my cheeks and through my hair, as if she can't decide which part of me she wants to touch most. Her lips feel perfect against mine. I'm struggling to breath, despite my unparalleled ability to hold my breath, but pulling away isn't an option. Her lips feel softer than I even imagined, and I've imagined them almost nonstop all week. I can't describe this kiss. Somehow, it's gentle but passionate. It's soft but ravishing. Neither one of us fights for dominance; instead, we both give and take in equal parts. There hasn't been a more perfect kiss; I'm sure of it. I am overcome by a level of want I didn't even know existed. No matter how close I get, it isn't close enough.

Suddenly she pulls away, just slightly, leaving inches of space between us. I open my eyes reluctantly, immediately missing the feel of her lips. I notice tears in her eyes, but she is smiling brightly, happier than I've ever seen. She's laughing even. She put her hands on my face and pulls me closer. Slowly, she kisses my chin, then my cheeks, than my forehead, then my nose, then my lips. She pulls away and rests her forehead against mine. This moment of intimacy takes my breath away completely. Now the tears fall down her face. I wipe them away with my thumb, feeling the love she has for me in the tip of my finger.

"Is this real?" She whispers. "Is this really happening?" She laughs again through her tears. I feel a combination of adoration and relief as both of our secrets are out in the open. I smile, thinking of how I tried to fight my growing love for her, as she silently swallowed her own feelings.

This is real. I want to say it, but I can't. Seeing her passion for me, her love for me through her emotion and her kisses, makes me love her more deeply, and I feel completely overwhelmed. I didn't think it was possible to feel this much at one moment.

I press my lips against hers again, this time with more force, more passion, more desire. I'm on my knees on the couch and know I need to be closer; I need to be as close to possible. Without breaking the kiss, I climb onto her lap straddling her. Her tongue enters my mouth and I moan in approval. Her hands are making their way up and down my back and they're sending shivers down my spine so powerful I actually shudder. I feel her bite on my lower lip and my legs are shaking. Her tongue massages mine, explores my mouth, and I do the same. I pull my body closer to her so I can feel her body against mine. I feel the curves of our bodies against each other and I am aching so much between my thighs that I have to force myself not to thrash against her.

I pull away, knowing that as much as I don't want to stop kissing her, I even more desperately want to feel her skin against my lips. I lower my head and start placing kisses on her chin and then her neck, and even her shoulders. She gasps in response. I kiss every inch of her neck savoring the softness. I keep the kisses gentle because I don't know how far I should push this yet. I restrain myself from attacking her neck like I want to. I try to suppress this desperate hunger to have for her body in every way. I am not trying to seduce her. Not yet, anyway. Kissing her fills me with contentment anyway. I've never felt a neck so thin, skin so soft, a face so smooth. It's exciting. It's enticing.

I look and see her head tilted back and her eyes closed. Her beauty shocks me every time. I continue to place kisses on her neck. I can't wait until I can kiss the rest of her skin.

"I love you" she whispers. "I love you." She repeats this every time I place a kiss on another part of her. Once again she has taken my breath away because, although I knew this, it still feels completely different to hear her say the words.

I lift my head, putting an end to the trail of kisses, and turn my attention back to her face. I feel free knowing that I can stare at her face without reason, worry, or explanation. I often studied her features in secret. I realize now, I've done this far longer than just the last few weeks.

She opens her eyes at looks at me. I realize I probably have never been this silent for this long while conscious.

"It feels so good to finally say those words to you." Her voice sounds so different in this moment. It's low, breathy, and sexy.

"Imagine how incredible it feels to hear them."

"I don't have to imagine. I thought my heart would actually break through my chest when you told me you fell in love with someone." She smiles brighter and shakes her head, "I feel like I have to be dreaming. I must be. I never thought this would actually ever happen. I am in a state of disbelief."

"I am in a state of disbelief from that kiss alone. You're amazing. I mean that kiss," I know amazing sounds far too simplistic for what I actually mean but I can't find the right words. "That was…unbelievable."

Her fingers are tracing patterns on my hip bone and my skin is still on fire. "There aren't enough adjectives in the world to describe how great that kiss was."

"I think I need to get off of you if my brain is supposed to function properly." I say with a laugh.

"I think that is a side effect you'll have to deal with. I like you on top of me," she says suggestively and I gasp at how sexy she is.

"I want to actually talk to you, but you saying things like that, makes me want to do other things entirely," I admit.

Her eyes widen and she smirks. "Good to know." She laughs. "Talk to me. I'd love to hear what you're thinking."

"To start, how _long_ have you wanted to say those words?" I start running my right hand through her hair. "How long have you loved me?"

"Long." She blushes and averts her eyes slightly. "It feels like always."

I smile at this embarrassment that comes even though I am on her lap and just had her tongue in my mouth minutes ago. "How long?"

Her eyes return to mine. "I've been in love with you…" She sighs, "Since sophomore year."

"Sectionals?"

"Sec….?" Her eyes widen. "Oh God. I remember that drunken night. I almost told you everything. I suppose I shouldn't be embarrassed about it anymore but I was definitely losing my self control." She laughs heartily and shakes her head.

"Well don't feel too bad about it. I definitely did not see the signs. I only realized it this morning. I honestly cannot believe it. I never considered it even possible. You hid it so well." I silently try to pinpoint any signs from high school and I think of none.

"Living with you made it infinitely more difficult to control myself."

"Trust me. I can relate." We both share a laugh. "How? Why? I don't even know what question I'm trying to ask. I couldn't even hold my feelings in for more than two weeks. You've apparently done it for years."

"Well, I was attracted to you for a long time. Before Glee. Before the pregnancy. I tried to deny my attraction to you by insulting you; My behavior was embarrassing back then. I was overcompensating to say the least." She shakes her head at herself in disgust. "Glee club gave me a better chance to know you. It gave me a better chance to observe you. Sectionals was just at the time when I really knew how I felt without the cloud of denial. You showed me so much sympathy after…well you know. You believed Santana immediately when she told us how much she liked being in glee. Not to mention, you took the entire glee club on your back. Watching you sing 'Don't Rain on my Parade' just showed me your talent, your passion, your beauty, and everything that you are. I couldn't _not_ fall in love with you. Believe me, I tried not to. I prayed not to. By the time I could finally accept that I had, you were with Jessie and then Finn."

I suddenly understand why Quinn seemed like such a mystery to me. She _was _hiding a great deal of herself from the rest of us. I try to wrap my head around this new information. "I can't believe it." I'm not sure if I actually say this out loud until she responds.

"If you can't believe it, I did exactly what I was trying to do. I hid my feelings for so many reasons. I wasn't comfortable yet with my sexuality." My eyes widen at the sudden realization of the other secret she was keeping. She hid who she was. I wish I could go back; I wish I could back to years before to be there for her. "I also didn't want to deal with the scrutiny. If Mercedes, Santana, or whoever knew how I felt about you, they'd know how much my heart broke every day to see you loving someone else."

"I'm sorry. I wish I knew you in High School the way I know you now," I admit. "I'm sure I would have fallen in love with you long ago."

She smiles brightly at this. I love knowing that I am making her happy in this moment. She leans forward and puts her forehead against mine again. "I can't get enough of hearing you say these words to me. I was so sure…I was convinced that there was no chance. Especially today"

I kiss her in response. "How is that possible? You're perfect." I kiss her again because I seriously don't think I can stop.

She pulls back slightly. "This is going to kill me to say, but do you think we should talk about all of this before we…continue?"

I laugh at this. " Well this is going to kill me to _do_, but…" I climb off her lap and take the spot next to her, still sitting as close as possible. "I don't think I would be able to do much talking for long, so it's best we talk now." I'm definitely getting bolder, but find it's hard to say anything other than what I'm thinking with her.

Quinn raises her eyebrow at my suggestive comment but attempts to ignore it for now. "You know how I feel about you. I think my confession about my years of unrequited feelings probably made that pretty clear. I'm trying not to have any expectations but…" She sighs and then takes my hand. "I love you. I want to be with you. I just want you to hear that before you make any decisions about what this all means. "

That's all I need to hear, although she is right. I did expect that. Given what she has already told me, I know she needs the same. She saw me with someone else for years. Actually, more accurately, she saw me with someone else _today_. She's worried that I'm not ready for something real or something serious. She couldn't be more wrong

"Quinn, I love you. That's exactly what I want. I broke things off with Finn today because I knew that it is you I love. I'm sure of it. Every day I can't wait to get home from class, because I miss you. I miss you always. I miss you for the fifteen minutes you're in the shower. When you smile at me my knees get weak. When I'm in class, I can't wait to get home just so I can be in the same room as you. When you touch me my skins tingles. It actually tingles. These are feelings I didn't even know I was missing; I don't even know if I knew they were possible. When I saw Finn again, I realized that I don't feel those feelings with him; I realized that I never did." I sigh dramatically and fight the urge to stand as I have my final say. "I want to be yours. I want you to be mine. That's all I know."

I've said many things in my life to many people. Still, I am certain this was most important thing I've said yet.

* * *

**Quinn POV**

This is what it feels like to have my dreams come true.

Her words manage to far exceed my expectations, my dreams, my fantasies. She loves me and she wants me. My racing heart reminds me that this is all actually happening. I still find myself wanting to savor every second, because I fear that time will run out. I keep waiting and waiting for the clock with strike midnight or for the Wizard to send me back home. Clearly Rachel has had quite an influence on my imagination.

Words completely fail me, as I feel more emotions now than I've ever attempted to express. I kiss her in response instead. "It had been too long since I kissed you." Both of us laugh at this. "Did that sound cheesy?"

"No. I loved it. It's exactly what I was thinking." She kisses back.

Part of me feels so desperate to understand how I missed it. If she fell for me so hard, how could I have missed it? I know she clearly didn't know about my own feelings, but she wasn't looking for them. She had no reason to hope for them. I was wishing for her and longing for her for years. And I missed it. I truly believed this was a hopeless cause. I savored every smile and every touch for years. Yet, I managed to miss her savoring the same things for days. Weeks? I don't even know. I did see the signs. I think back and I know I started to see the changes, but felt that there was another explanation.

"Rachel, I don't even know what to do with this information." I can't help but laugh. "I've imagined this before, but never seriously."

"It amuses me that you are so shocked by this revelation. I have failed at subtlety. You know that is not exactly a strength of mine."

"I know."

"Since living with you, I have made every effort to touch you, hug you, or be close to you. I feel like I made my feelings incredibly obvious last night as well. I asked, no, _pleaded_ that you tell me who you loved."

I realize this is all true. However, last night, I just assumed Rachel was nosy. It certainly fits her personality. "I was equally obvious in my unwillingness to tell you."

"Well, you know what I took that to mean." She laughs at herself. "I was so wrong."

"_So_ wrong." We both share a laugh at the misunderstanding this morning.

I notice her hand on my thigh, while I have kept my hand running through her hair.  
We start kissing again. It's just as magical as before. Her lips are perfection. Her tongue works wonders in my mouth. We don't pull away until breathing because a legitimate concern. We barely create a distance between our bodies as we pull apart.

"Rach, I feel like I should ask you on a date. I didn't even think I _could_ woo you, and here we are, kissing."

Rachel smiles brightly. "You've been wooing me without even knowing it. You wooed me just by being you. It makes it all the more impressive that you weren't actually trying. Already, we go to dinner, we cook for each other, we watch movies, we talk all night. We definitely know each other."

"This is true."

"We've had plenty of dates. The difference is now I can kiss you whenever I want to. I no longer have to pretend I don't want to touch you."

My head immediately wanders to some of our more intimate, or rather, almost intimate moments. I think of the restraint I had to show on our first night, and then again last night when she asked me to sleep next to her. Now that I know what Rachel feels I wonder what would have actually happened if I didn't restrain myself. I hadn't even thought of that. I feel my face flush as I remember her standing there in her underwear shivering. I breathe out a silent sigh, as I think of her hard nipples and my desperation to feel her body.

She giggles. "What are you thinking about?"

"What?" She takes me out of my daze, and I know I'm blushing, but I'm not sure if I should admit my thoughts.

"Your mind definitely went somewhere just now."

"Honestly?"

"I'd prefer that." she laughs.

Rachel is biting her lip, and it's not helping. "I was thinking about last night." I finally admit.

Her eyebrows rise slightly and she grins. "What about it?"

"I was thinking about your body." I watch her lips, unable to get my mind out of the gutter.

"I seem to recall you begging me to cover my body." I laugh at this. She sort of half smiles at this and it's incredibly sexy.

"I was definitely begging, but only because I knew that I could only handle so much restraint. God, it was getting exhausting pretending I didn't want to do very bad things to you."

She closes the distance between our bodies on the couch. She leans forward and whispers in my ear. "That is all I wanted you to do to me."

I am captivated by her darkened eyes, and immediately feel myself getting even wetter. "Is that what you want now?" I whisper, knowing the arousal is apparent in my voice.

She moves her face lower, below my eye and has her lips and nose against my neck. I shiver. "It is what I've wanted since our first night in this apartment." When she speaks her lips move right against my skin. She runs her tongue down my neck and then sucks on my pulse point. I moan and can't believe the control she has over my body right now. "It is what I fantasize about constantly." Her hand makes its way up my shirt, and she runs her fingers along my stomach. "It is all I think about when I touch myself."

That just about does it.

I can't hold back. She is driving me wild and I need her badly. I lean forward capturing her lips and then immediately make my way down to her neck. I can't get enough of her skin. She moans in return and it's just about the sexiest sound I've ever heard. I keep leaning forward eventually she falls backwards onto the couch, concedes control, and allows me on top of her.

I move my hands from her hips, and boldly guide them under her t-shirt, feeling my way up her tight stomach. She moans again more audibly, and I can feel her body shaking underneath me. I lift my hands further and touch her breasts for the first time. I moan at the realization that she's not wearing a bra. I gently circle her hard nipples with my finger.

"Quinn. Oh God." She lets out a longer moan. I touch, pull, and stroke her breasts, as her moans have encouraged me. She writhes underneath me, pressing her heat against my thigh. I can feel the warmth between her legs through her shorts.

"Rachel, you feel so good." Rachel captures my mouth, and we kiss passionately again. Her tongue massages my own, in ways that drive me wild. She definitely knows what she is doing with it. The thought of it only makes me throb harder.

I started to roll my body above her to press my thigh between her legs to meet her writhing body. I only wish there weren't as many clothes between us.

Rachel pulls her lips away from mine, and moans loudly. "Oh Quinn."

Then, as if she could read my mind, she leans forward, forcing me off of her slightly, before she grips my shirt and pulls it over my head. "I need to feel you, too" she whispers. She starts sucking on my neck as I feel her unhooking my bra. My heart starts pounding harder, knowing where this is going. My bra drops between us, and she picks it up and tosses it to the coffee table without looking. Rachel then runs her tongue along my right nipple, and I am overcome by the sensation. I close my eyes and throw my head back. I feel like there is a pool between my legs at this point. More than anything, I wanted to make her moan, but she has taken control completely. She sucks on my nipple and stokes my other.

"You're driving me crazy. It feels so good." I say between gasps.

She softly pushes my chest, forcing me on my back, as she starts to climb over me. She pulls her shirt off, and my mouth drops. She's perfect. "You're beautiful," I manage to say. She smiles shyly and grabs my pants. Luckily I am wearing sweats, so they will come off with ease. Rachel slides her fingers inside my waistband and pulls my pants and panties down together. She scans my body and bites her bottom lip. She leans forward to get on top of me, but I stop her, without words. I pull her shorts and panties down, because I can't wait any longer. I need to see all of her. I exhale and she climbs on top of me. I am amazed at the feel of our naked bodies against each other. Her breasts are against mine, and I feel like I might explode.

I am getting ahead of myself, because suddenly, Rachel slides her hand between my thighs. She slides two fingers between my folds, finding my clit. My eyes are closed tightly, but I feel her making circles. I am thrashing my head side to side in pleasure, because I can't believe she is doing this to me. It feels incredible.

"Don't stop. Please." I beg. I feel my body shaking with ever touch of her fingers.

"Never." She whispers. She presses her lips on my breast again and kisses it, then runs her tongue around it. She grinds her body against my thigh slowly. I feel her wetness all over me. We are both moaning. Her hand moves further down. Her fingers reach my slit, as she enters two fingers inside me. I almost jump out of my skin.

She gasps. "Quinn. Wow. So wet. I can't believe it. I did this?" All I can do it moan in response. She quickens her pace and uses her thumb to rub my clit. I feel my entire body tense. I have wanted her for too long; I know I can't last. She starts sucking my neck and rubbing my clit more quickly, and then, her fingers hit a spot that causes my body to jerk uncontrollably. I feel it in the pit of my stomach and then I feel that sudden, uncontrollable burst of relief. I moan loudly, and whisper her name as she slows her pace, riding out my orgasm. I still keep my eyes closed. That was the most remarkable feeling of my life.

"Rachel.. I can't even…wow" I say as I attempt to catch my breath.

"That was the most unbelievably sexy thing I've ever seen." She whispers against my neck.

Now, all I want to do is make her come. Who am I kidding? It is all I've wanted to do for ages. I have dreamed about making her shudder, making her moan, making her scream.

"Rachel, let's go to the room."

She climbs off of my body, and I already miss her skin. I follow her as she walks to the bedroom. I admire her gorgeous legs and sexy ass the whole time. I can't believe this is happening. She stops once she reaches the space between our beds.

"I need to have you." I whisper. She licks her lips and nods.

I gently push her onto her bed and start to suck on her nipples, one after the other. She immediately moans loudly. I can feel that she is already ready. It excites me how loudly she expresses herself. I run my hands up her legs, feeling her thighs. I have always wanted to be able to feel her legs.

"Quinn, please. I want you so badly." She practically shouts.

Touching her body feels so much better than my fantasies. Her skin is so unbelievable soft. Her legs are perfect. I want to savor every moment. I have imagined, countless times, what I would do to her. I almost don't feel nervous, because I have thought of this moment so many times before. I have thought of exactly how I want to make her come. I look between her legs and my desire for her is uncontrollable.

"I've wanted to feel you for so long." I say as I slide my hands up her thigh and then between them as I graze her folds.

She practically jumps off of the bed pushing for more contact. That isn't exactly what I have in mind though.

I lower myself between the thighs that I have admired for so long and suck her clit between my lips.

"Oh my God! Fuck!" I continue flicking my tongue. I never hear Rachel curse, so her words only fuel my passion. "Quinn. Oh. Oh. So good." I enter her with two fingers, feeling her wetness and her tightness all around me. I fuck her slowly, but I flick and suck her clit passionately.

"Oh baby, I'm going to come." I then feel her body convulsing and shaking wildly. I don't stop. I hear her exercising those vocal chords and she screams my name loudly as she comes. When I feel that her body is done, I climb into the bed next to her. She immediately puts her head onto my chest and throws her leg over mine.

"Quinn, I have never, and I mean never, had an orgasm that powerful." My eyes widen because that is exactly what I wanted to give her. "You really are perfect." She says with a laugh.

I run my hands up and down her arms. "_You_ are perfect. I have imagined what it would be like to have you countless times. Somehow you exceeded my fantasies by leaps and bounds."

"I have to admit, I didn't expect this to happen between us yet." I turn to her, worried that I pushed her. "I couldn't wait." She says with a laugh. "I was completely and utterly overwhelmed by my love for you and my intense attraction."

"I never needed anything so badly." I say in affirmation.

"Quinn?"

"Yes?"

"This feels so new to me."

"Rachel, it is new."

"I mean the feeling of not wanting anything." She lifts her head to make eye contact. "Right now, I feel like I have everything I want. I feel like I can just be. I'm content. I'm in love. I have you."

Every moment feels like a fantasy. However, I couldn't have made up a better day if I tried.

"You have me." I feel her smile against my chest. I feel myself getting tired but I don't want to sleep. I don't want this day to end.

She sighs. I see her eyes getting heavier. I watch her eyes fluttering. I admire her gorgeous eyelashes as they move up and down. I smile at the flush on her face that remains. I look down at her gorgeous body against mine. This is real.

"I love you," I whisper because I finally can.

* * *

**I hope you liked it! I love you guys so much for making my first attempt at fan fiction such a great experience. **


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